i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t, do you know what that means?

I'm not a very independent gal.  You might think that taking a 4-month stay in a foreign land sounds pretty independent, but I've been shakin' in my boots this entire time.  People often tell me that I exude self-confidence, and I often laugh in response.  If I had to rank what I think my personal characteristics are, self-confidence would be dead last, maybe buried under the others.

But, this semester is all about learning about myself and challenging myself after all.

So, today I decided that since I didn't have classes, I would make the trip into downtown by bike to do a little me-time retail therapy.  I've been into the city by bike 4 or 5 times in a group of at least 2 so I figured once I got close then it'd be easy to find my way around.  Negative, ghost rider.

I spent nearly an hour and a half on a bike ride that should have been 40 minutes at most, blindly roaming the city.  At one point I nearly got hit by a car where a man & his wife I'm pretty sure were trying to melt me with laser beams shooting out of their hellish stares.  Then, they acted as if they were going to let me go ahead, I waved them on and the man threw his hand out the window with a shaking finger as if to say, "No, no."

I fought back firey tears and tried to slow down the adrenaline rush.  I wanted to give up.  I wanted to leave my bike, find a bus, go back to Uilenstede and hide in my bed until morning.  Then I thought to myself, I made it all the way down here, I'm never going to see those jerks again, just keep going.

I was still pretty lost after that, but I began to follow the signs pointed toward the Centrum, and eventually found Dam Square, finally an area I was familiar with.  This called for a coffee break, so I grabbed an overpriced drink and sat down to collect myself.

While downtown I found a great shopping area (that, I might add I now know how to get to!) and scoped the area for 2 stars and stripes articles for Emily and I to wear to support the USA tomorrow, on the 11th Anniversary of 9/11.  I know, I know, I can't believe we came over here without any red white & blue either, but now we have some!

After hitting the grocery store on my way back to the Amstel, I was finally headed back home.  Even though I slept in this morning, and really haven't been doing too much, I'm exhausted.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.  Living so far from home is hard, it just is.  It's not just because the food is different, or because my blank apartment isn't cozy, or because I shower out of a drip-hose.  It's a whole new world here, and while it's like home in some ways, the people and the personalities are so different.  Sometimes very unwelcoming.  This is hard for me, being usually so dependent on the help and encouragement of others, when generosity isn't customary.

How 'bout a more positive note!?  Here are some random updates about what's happened/happening/and going to happen soon:

• Yesterday Clara, Emily, Amy, Abi, and I went to Zandvoort Beach to lay and play in the sun.  It was the perfect day for the beach, and I can now say that I have swam in the North Sea!

• This weekend, Emily and I are thinking about hitting up the Heineken Experience!  Cheer for beer! ;)
• We met some really cool Americans who are also interested in heading to Munich for Oktoberfest, so those plans are in the making for one of the weekends in October
• I kinda/sorta jimmied up my shower hose so now I don't have to actually spray myself to shower
• I haven't blow dried my hair since we've been here (fingers crossed it grows!)
• Emily and I started plotting our trip to London, which will include some sort of Broadway show, hopefully Wicked!
• & after testing many brands of Kriek (cherry) beer, we have found one that closely resembles the AMAZING Belgian variety we had in Brussels :)

Well folks, that's all for today!  Thanks for reading, and send me letters!! :) xoxoxo