Everything's gonna be alright

I've decided that since I set up an account to send mass e-mail updates about my time in Spain, that I'm going to try to keep my blog entries as they usually are-- just snippets of thoughts on life and how I'm living it.  Spain may or may not make appearances, but if you're looking for the play-by-play, turn to the e-mail updates!

On that note, it feels good to be writing again!  I've had a hard time sleeping the past couple nights because my mind has just been racing... especially given everything that's happened recently and just the fact that, hello I picked up and moved across the world.  So feeling kind of disoriented should be normal, right?  But then why does it feel like I'm the only one who feels this way?

When I first arrived, the first few people I met in the airport were the orientation guides who were in my shoes last year and then decided to extend their contract with CIEE for another round.  I've always known this was an option, and people always joke that I'll never come back, but I've always felt like this was just an opportunity and adventure that I needed and wanted to take, but there has never been any question that I would come home.

Anyway, a few of the directors and staff who actually work in Madrid for CIEE have been here for years and have no plans of returning back to the States.  I commend them for their bravery, and I understand everyone has their own reasons for staying, but I feel like I'm almost not letting myself fully get comfortable here because I don't want to get THAT comfortable.  I don't want to come to a point where I would consider not going back to my family and friends.  Is that bad?

And I'm so frustrated, you know?  I just want to have it all figured out.  I want God's plan to be revealed, like now.  I'm horrible at being patient, and I often wonder if I'm being taught a lesson in patience with the way things seem to never work out or at least not how I intended.  I applied for this job on a whim, along with a slew of other jobs I wasn't qualified for and this was the one I got.  And I'm overjoyed and grateful and ecstatic to be here-- obviously I didn't have to accept the position or pay the money or any of that, so don't take this to mean that I don't want to be here.  I do.

It's just that, I really thought everything was really getting started.  I was going to go on this adventure, get the experience I needed to apply for jobs back home, come back in a year and start my adult life and I was excited and I was ready and then I was reminded- God's timing isn't my timing, and timing is everything.  It's really a horrible feeling being frustrated with God, feeling so disconnected, so far away, and knowing that part of that is because I'm harboring anger towards Him because I really thought the plan was finally starting.

But then I put the pity party on hold for 5 seconds, and I realize the plan's been happening all along.

FAQ's on Spain

Here is where I wave my white flag to the "List of ___ things for ___ days left.." which, in my defense was fabulous in theory, however horrifying in execution.  It was fun while it lasted, but unfortunately trying to fit a year's worth of stuff into a 100 lb. weight restriction takes precedence over hours of blogging.  

Why, you ask, am I spending time blogging now?  Just hours before I depart for the journey of a lifetime, would you believe my 2 checked luggage backs are sealed and weighed, ready to go!  Hell yeah! 

So now, as I watch Jimmy Fallon's thank you's, I would like to take this opportunity to answer some hot hot hot FAQ's for all the curious cats who will be following my journey!  If you have any other questions that I don't answer here, feel free to e-mail/text/snail mail me and I'd love to send you a personal message!

FAQ 1:  How long will you be in Spain?

Answer: 10 months

FAQ 2:  What will you be doing in Spain?

Answer:  Teaching English to the impressionable Spanish youth

FAQ 3:  Where are you going to live while you're there?

Answer:  Somewhere in and/or around Madrid, the exact location is to be determined, however thank you to Facebook and good ol' Delta Gee, I have found a fabulous girl to apartment hunt with and we have made a pact to not be homeless!   

FAQ 4:  Why are you going to teach English in Spain?  Why not teach English or Spanish here in the States?

Answer:  Spain is more fun.  But really, I'm not qualified to teach here in the States and quite honestly I'm not going to Spain because I necessarily want to be a teacher.  I'm going to Spain because it's an incredible experience and in order to apply for any job here I must have acquired some sort of unidentified experiences... so here's to hoping moving to Spain counts as experience.

FAQ 5:  How do you pack for an entire year?

Answer:  That is a great question!  You bring 2 suitcases, you pay extra for this, and you take out everything you think is cute but realistically haven't worn in the past 4 seasons.

FAQ 6:  Will you be getting paid?

Answer:  Yes.  I'll earn 1,000 euros/month.  From this stipend I will budget for my rent/living expenses and travel/fun expenses, so to answer your next question...

FAQ 7:  Will you come home with any money saved up?

Answer:  Absolutely not.

FAQ 8:  Are you going to come home at all during the next 10 months?

Answer:  Are you going to buy my plane ticket?

FAQ 9:  Is anyone going to come visit you in Spain?

Answer:  I hope so!  I have quite a few friends who are seriously considering making the journey, and after my previous stint across the pond I have a few foreign friends I'll be hooking up with too!  Christmas in Germany sounds just lovely!

FAQ 10:  Are you nervous/anxious/excited/scared?

Answer:  Yes.  All of the above.  I'm anxious because I don't know what to expect, however I'm at ease for the same reason because less expectations means less opportunity to be disappointed or caught off guard.

I hope this makes up for the lack of lists over the past few days!  I cannot believe the time is finally here for me to leave and do this thing!  It seems like just yesterday I was applying for this opportunity thinking "What a longshot!"  Now here I am about to drop it all and blaze my own trail.  But please, don't take this as overconfidence or think that I'm up on my high horse leading the parade, because I'm FREAKING OUT.  

As always I'm so grateful and appreciative for your thoughts and prayers, thank you in advance for following my adventures and I look forward to catching everyone up sometime next week!

¡Adios!

la semana ultima

Well, clearly I couldn't keep up with the blogging every day for 10 days thing... so here is my list of 8 things...I'll come up with something creative for 7 and 6 tomorrow when it's not 12:15 and I've had a cup or 5 of coffee!

I tried to feel around for ideas of what these lists could be, the suggestions were foods I'm going to miss and foods I'm going to eat so suffice it all to say I am obviously a foodie.  And I chose neither of these options for either of today's lists.  My apologies.

For my 8 days left list I want to share 8 important things I learned this summer.  About life, about God, and about myself.  This summer was epic, as you know, and I want to articulate (probably more for my own benefit down the road than anyone else's) how grateful and blessed I am for every experience I've had in the past 4 months.  So, here we go with...

8 important lessons I learned this summer 

In no particular order

How much I value my experiences and education from Butler- 

even though I'm terrified of the extensive amount of student-loan-debt I acquired, the tears I shed as I left my senior house and my dear friends and roommates after graduation were truly the first time I can remember just crying because I was so filled with love and sadness at the same time.  This summer was a summer of lots of these types of cries.

The importance of working in the food industry- 

whether you're flipping patties, brewing java, or serving 10 pound trays of $20 steaks, everyone should work in the food/customer service world at some point in life.  It is hard.  I loved it probably just because I love talking to people.. including strangers.. but this summer I worked harder than I ever have, sweated more than anyone ever should in public, and most importantly I know how to serve a customer and be a great customer.  Both of which are super important.

Go on adventures-- even if you think you don't want to-

 funny enough, Spain isn't going to be the first time I was apprehensive about taking an adventure this summer.  When I signed up to be a counselor at Camp Adventure back in March I was pumped to get to spend a week in the "wilderness".  But, as the week drew closer I honestly was dreading it.  I knew 1 person going into the week, and all of a sudden realized I had sacrificed my only week of vacation from my job, to barely shower and hang out with 100 junior high kids.  

It was one of the best weeks of my life.  I was able to totally and completely be myself, let my guard down, and just love Jesus in one of my favorite places on earth; not only this, but I know that the hand of God had placed me in that system of support for our family's tragedy that would happen at the end of the week.

How good it feels to laugh until you cry- 

I am truly blessed to have such beautiful, talented, and hilarious friends.  It's so important to surround yourself not only with people that lift you up and support you, but who also bring out that raw, tear-streaming smile that only comes from a good gut laugh.  Watching The Heat will also accomplish this goal if no friends are around.

Tell people how much they mean to you- 

after graduating college and now getting ready to leave home for a year I have had to say some hard goodbyes.  I have always felt that I express myself better in writing than spoken word, but before I leave I am making a point to reach out in some way to those who have influenced my life, so that they know they are loved.  For me, nothing is more precious than an unexpected note or shout-out from a friend, so I love having the chance to do that for others.

Spend time reading- 

I know actually finding time to read for pleasure is difficult, but I have tried hard this summer to budget time for reading, and crossing books off my "to-read" list is such a great feeling!!  I recommend: Gone Girl, Blue Like Jazz, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (obviously).

Don't let your happiness depend on other people-

easier said than done, and probably one you think is a no-brainer, but time and time again I learn this lesson the hard way.  As a people pleaser, I take rejection very personally an am ultra-sensitive to other people's happiness or unhappiness.  I think I've gotten better at being in charge of my happiness, but it never hurts to be reminded that YOU are the one who chooses to be happy.  Don't let others make that decision for you.

Let your worship be between just you and God-

this might seem to come out of nowhere, but in lieu of my awesome camp experience this summer... 

I have always kind of been uncomfortable in situations where people would close their eyes and raise their hands during a worship service.  Then, one morning before the campers arrived, one of the worship leaders stressed how worship should be an intimate moment between you and God, and how closing your eyes can help to close out the world and not worry about what others around you are doing or seeing.  Taking his advice, I have been able to truly be present in worshiping WITH God. Because when I close my eyes it's just He and I and in those moments no one else matters.

There you have it!  Come back tomorrow for something fun!  We're in the home-stretch y'all!

For lack of a better title...

While brainstorming how I would present this post, I had planned on using the title "The Final Countdown" only to realize that I used that title for my last blog post... so that's awkward.

So we're down to the single digits!  I leave for Spain in 9 days and about 2 hours!  Leading up to this point I've been trying to pack in as many visits, favorites, and special moments as possible.  And I had intended to do some kind of correspondence each day for the final 10 days before I left.  Obviously all the other things got in the way of starting this correspondence yesterday, so today I'm taking a break from half-assed packing and making up for the loss! 

I'm going to compile 10 lists, each list comprised of the same number of items as the number of days I have before I leave.  Kinda dorky.. but whatever!  I want to show and share my appreciation and apprehension in a creative way.

10 things I will miss about my life in the USA. 

1. My family and friends- thankfully some of whom will be making the trek across the pond to visit, and a few of whom are already there waiting for me!
2. Driving- I'm beginning to remember the anxiety that can come from relying on and planning around public transportation
3. Peanut butter- but don't worry, I've already got a jar packed.  That's no lie.
4. Craft beer- fall seasonal craft beers are my absolute favorite, I've got to chug as many pumpkin/cinnamon/apple pie beers as I can in the next week and a half.
5. Ice- I know it sounds weird, but if you've been to Europe you know that they are very stingy with their ice.  It doesn't help that I prefer a more-ice-than-drink ratio.  Thank goodness for the Ice Bucket Challenge.
6. This is actually harder than I thought it'd be.. maybe moving to Spain won't be so difficult after all.....
7. My bed time- the night lifestyle in Spain is infamous for lasting until the wee hours of the morning, and if you know me at all you know how much I value sleep.. all hail the siesta!
8. My sewing machine- I'm trying to come up with as many travel-friendly crafts as I can, but sadly I just don't thing I'm going to be able to justify stuffing my Singer into my suitcase.
9. The Branches- even though I plan to find a church to go to in Madrid, it is going to be so hard to be away from my church family in Hendricks County.  I can't wait to see the growth in our church when I return!
10. My cat- while living at home all summer hasn't exactly been my dream come true, I am going to miss having my Stripey cat to snuggle every now and then.  Do they have cats in Spain?

9 things I promise to do while in Spain.

1. Go back to Amsterdam- in the spring, to see the tulips, for Emily's birthday and Easter.
2. Spend time exploring Spain- when I was living in the Netherlands I didn't do much traveling around the actual Netherlands.. not that there would have been a whole lot else to see besides windmills and Amsterdam, but I want to take time to really delve into the culture of Spain.
3. Blog- people keep asking if I'm going to blog about my journey.. you betcha!  
4. Go to the mountains- I'm not bringing a backpacking backpack for nothing!  Outdoors here I come!
5. Focus on myself- not in a selfish way, but this experience is one for me to really figure myself out and what I want to do with the rest of my life and career.  This trip is about me being me and I won't forget that.
6. Not cut my hair- not that you may care... but mark my words I will have long luscious locks when I return in July.
7. Learn how to make paella- and sangria!  Tapas at my place!
8. Not count down the days til I come home- even though it will be hard, I've got to look forward to each day I GET to spend in Madrid, not each day I have to.  This is one of my only regrets from my time in Amsterdam, I blame it on the rain.
9. Get in shape- there will be no pants ripping incidents this time.  Period.

So what do you think?  Lame?  You know with all the world rocking that's been going on lately I just wanted to do something different for a change.  I haven't quite come up with what my next 8 lists will be, so if you have any suggestions I will welcome them!  Can't wait to see what tomorrow's list will be!  Adios!