Why Au Pairing was nothing I expected, yet everything I needed

I spent this past year living and working in Spain as an English Language and Culture Assistant.  About half of the way through what was supposed to be only a 10-month adventure, I decided I was going to extend my stay in Spain for at least one more year.  Then, I decided that it was a good idea to spend the majority of my summer in Spain as well to try and save some money.  I began looking into potential summer jobs and came across Au Pairing. 

Previously, I had made a vow to myself that I would never be a nanny.  I couldn’t do it; I don’t have the patience to babysit all day long for days on end, I don’t like cleaning up after someone else’s kids or any of the various tasks I thought being a nanny entailed.  However, I told myself that maybe with a European spin on it, Au Pairing wouldn’t have to be nannying.  Maybe, though, I was just desperate to land a job so I could spend the summer of my dreams in Spain.

Whatever the case, I signed up to be an Au Pair in Galicia, Spain and was soon placed with a family with three children ages: 12, 10 and 6.  We had only two Skype interviews in the spring before I moved into their family home in a small town outside of Coruña, Galicia, at the end of June.  I chose Galicia instead of Madrid for a few reasons, the most important of which was that my boyfriend would be there and we could spend our free time together.

The first few days were hard.  Having just come from living 10 months with complete and total independence to moving in with a family who A) I didn’t know, and B) barely spoke my language, was a major transition, and I am terrible at transitions.  Emotional, stressed, just truly ugly with the whole idea of change.  What had I gotten myself into?!  That first week I sat down with the parents and we discussed what the expectations for the summer would be for all of us. 

Essentially, they expected me to spend the mornings with the children, provide a one-hour English “class” with each of them individually each day, and then of course just be a respectful houseguest.  My expectations were nothing, I actually had no idea what to expect.  They knew that my boyfriend was in town and explained that my weekends would be totally free to spend with him, and I could have my afternoons free as well if I desired.  This, however, I was totally not expecting!  I was excited to be gaining back some of the independence I thought was gone for the summer, but assured them that I would only want or take one afternoon a week off.  After all, another reason I had for working as an Au Pair was to gain some cultural and language experience and “being part of the family” was just the way to do it.

I could never have imagined how much I truly would become part of their family.  When at first I was a little shy and definitely too timid to try to speak to them in Spanish, I now find myself using Spanish without even thinking.  The first few days when I would simply turn on the children’s lights and tap them to wake them up in the morning, I now jump into their beds and tickle them until they can’t stand it.  I went from freezing at the sound of “but my mom let’s me do it” to confidently enforcing a 3-second rule to get the children to do what I need them to do.  We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’re family.

I think the thing that really brought us close together was spending a week on vacation, camping.  They were so welcoming to even invite my boyfriend to tag along for the first weekend, and they treated him just like family too.  It meant so much to me to watch him interact with these people who have become my family, and for him to also recognize what a wonderful family they are.

After he left on Sunday, we spent the days on the beach, at the pool, playing football and paddle, and the nights in a giant tent all-together.  Then, on Wednesday I received some stressful news: an important document I had sent by mail to Madrid (over a month ago) had been returned to our house in Coruña. 

Now, I am no stranger to being screwed over by Spanish bureaucracy, but I still began to feel extremely anxious and upset over this news, especially because I wouldn’t be able to take any action until we arrived home on Saturday.  However, with the help of my “parents” I was able to make some calls, arrange a few things and get the ball rolling to fix the situation.  Of course this wasn’t the end of the paperwork complications (as in Spain in never is), and it wasn’t the end of their help and support either.  Without them, and another dear friend in Madrid, I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together to finally sort out the problem yesterday.

Now here we are with just two weeks left together before I head home to the States and tears have already been shed.  We’ve been spending more time laughing together, more time around the dinner table at night laughing and playing games, and finishing up our bedtime story of the summer, Stuart Little.  Our final project of the summer will be to create a scrapbook together!

While I’m no doubt going to be sad to leave, and I’m pretty sure they’re going to be sad to see me go, I’m confident that we will see each other again soon.  They will make a trip to Madrid in the fall, and any time I come up to Coruña to visit my boyfriend’s family I will give them a call.  There’s even talk of next summer… but we’ll see about that ;)

Some might think 23-years-old is too old to be an Au Pair, and sometimes I had this thought too; but now I think this was the perfect time to have such a life-changing experience.  I understand more of what I value in family, I am 100% more confident in my Spanish level, and surprisingly I have gained new independence in myself that I will take with me into my second year as an ex-pat.  I may still be far indebted to my student loans, no closer to professional “career” and still unsure of exactly what I want to do with my life, but right now I feel okay with all that, I feel content and excited about what’s to come.

Where've ya been?

A friend brought to my attention this week that in one of my blog posts at the beginning of my time in Spain I mentioned that I would be blogging all the time... that was my last post... that post was written in October.  Life happens I guess!

It's not that I haven't been wanting to write, actually quite the opposite, I've been longing to.  It's more that I've had so much to write about, and just not known how to properly express or give justice to the thoughts I've been having, the feelings I've been feeling.

Not until this evening.

So, bear with me if it's not up to the usual post you always "love to read" but I've been dying to get something out there and tonight I just can't hold it in any longer, I've got to break this writer's block.

Before I left for Spain, for about a year and a half actually, I was heavily involved in The Branches Community Church, a church plant in the Avon/Hendricks County area of Indianapolis.  The Branches started from the ground up with a mixture of people from my hometown church, people from the Indy area, and really whoever God lead to us.

So, coming from such a tight and energized community mixed with the trauma that happened shortly before I left for Spain, getting connected to a church community in Madrid was the top priority on my list.  I did some research beforehand and actually met someone in orientation who was willing to check some places out with me.  We did, and we found an international small group through Oasis Madrid, an international church in the heart of the city.  Even though I started going to small group and making relationships with some awesome people... life happened again.

I'm going to be completely honest here and I'm a bit scared to do so, but I didn't actually go to a church service at Oasis until about February.  And then I didn't go again until last weekend.  I took a hard fall from where I was at the end of the summer and I was broken and bruised.

Even through this time, I continued to go to small group and meet up with some of the girls outside of group.  I was connected, but only as much as I wanted to (or thought I wanted to) be.  I kept a bit of a wedge between myself and anyone I (realize now) could have developed a meaningful relationship with.

I've always had a bit of a problem being afraid of missing out on something that could be better. That, even if it's not exactly something I want to be doing, I need to do it or I'm going to regret it or miss out on something everyone will be talking about later.  Then, two weeks ago I went with Oasis to a little town in the mountains of Madrid for a weekend retreat where we worshipped, laughed, connected, even cried, and I had an earthquake of an epiphany-- THIS was what I'd actually been missing out on.

It was a bittersweet realization, I had essentially wasted loads of time worrying and stressing over missing out on everything when I actually was missing out all along.  I had truly been yearning to be filled up with the spirit and fellowship that I found in those 3 days.  Maybe I was hardened because I didn't think anything could take the place of my church community back home, which then turned into complacence and a sort of acceptance of mediocrity.  And once I had forgone church for so many weeks, I felt guilty and ashamed and embarrassed and was even more afraid to try to go halfway through my time here.

I hope that every person has the opportunity to feel the kind of acceptance I felt when I opened up and let myself be vulnerable that weekend.

Since then, the past two weeks have taken a complete 180 in terms of my attitude and perspective of my time here.  I made strong relationships with incredible people and I get to continue these relationships for (at least) another whole year!  I have a newfound courage to do things and make decisions that are what I really want to do and I haven't missed out on a single thing.  I can honestly tell a difference when teachers ask how my weekend was and the past weeks I've been able to really look back and say I did a bunch of meaningful and life-giving things.

Then, tonight I went with four girls from small group to a Tennessee couple's piso for dinner and fellowship and I actually had to hold myself from tears just from feeling so overwhelmingly loved and cared for.  These people were strangers to me at 6:30 and by 11 when we left I felt like we'd been friends for a long time.  They wanted to hear our stories and they just poured love of the spirit into us, they encouraged me so much.  They were just those kind of people that you're drawn to.  They were so kind and open and welcoming, you just don't get that very often.  I am so thankful to have this opportunity to continue learning from them.

But most importantly, I am so thankful that God put it on the hearts of girls at small group to tell me that they missed seeing me for a couple of weeks, because that pushed me to make sure I went every week, which pushed me to find out about and sign up for the retreat, which pushed me closer to God and to the person I really am and want to be.

Don't be confused by this and wonder why I've been telling you I'm so happy and feeling like I belong here if I've truly been feeling a bit disconnected.  None of that has been untrue, if anything this is just enhancing my happiness and assurance that this is where I'm supposed to be right now.

Rest easy my friends, the best is yet to come.