Why Au Pairing was nothing I expected, yet everything I needed

I spent this past year living and working in Spain as an English Language and Culture Assistant.  About half of the way through what was supposed to be only a 10-month adventure, I decided I was going to extend my stay in Spain for at least one more year.  Then, I decided that it was a good idea to spend the majority of my summer in Spain as well to try and save some money.  I began looking into potential summer jobs and came across Au Pairing. 

Previously, I had made a vow to myself that I would never be a nanny.  I couldn’t do it; I don’t have the patience to babysit all day long for days on end, I don’t like cleaning up after someone else’s kids or any of the various tasks I thought being a nanny entailed.  However, I told myself that maybe with a European spin on it, Au Pairing wouldn’t have to be nannying.  Maybe, though, I was just desperate to land a job so I could spend the summer of my dreams in Spain.

Whatever the case, I signed up to be an Au Pair in Galicia, Spain and was soon placed with a family with three children ages: 12, 10 and 6.  We had only two Skype interviews in the spring before I moved into their family home in a small town outside of Coruña, Galicia, at the end of June.  I chose Galicia instead of Madrid for a few reasons, the most important of which was that my boyfriend would be there and we could spend our free time together.

The first few days were hard.  Having just come from living 10 months with complete and total independence to moving in with a family who A) I didn’t know, and B) barely spoke my language, was a major transition, and I am terrible at transitions.  Emotional, stressed, just truly ugly with the whole idea of change.  What had I gotten myself into?!  That first week I sat down with the parents and we discussed what the expectations for the summer would be for all of us. 

Essentially, they expected me to spend the mornings with the children, provide a one-hour English “class” with each of them individually each day, and then of course just be a respectful houseguest.  My expectations were nothing, I actually had no idea what to expect.  They knew that my boyfriend was in town and explained that my weekends would be totally free to spend with him, and I could have my afternoons free as well if I desired.  This, however, I was totally not expecting!  I was excited to be gaining back some of the independence I thought was gone for the summer, but assured them that I would only want or take one afternoon a week off.  After all, another reason I had for working as an Au Pair was to gain some cultural and language experience and “being part of the family” was just the way to do it.

I could never have imagined how much I truly would become part of their family.  When at first I was a little shy and definitely too timid to try to speak to them in Spanish, I now find myself using Spanish without even thinking.  The first few days when I would simply turn on the children’s lights and tap them to wake them up in the morning, I now jump into their beds and tickle them until they can’t stand it.  I went from freezing at the sound of “but my mom let’s me do it” to confidently enforcing a 3-second rule to get the children to do what I need them to do.  We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’re family.

I think the thing that really brought us close together was spending a week on vacation, camping.  They were so welcoming to even invite my boyfriend to tag along for the first weekend, and they treated him just like family too.  It meant so much to me to watch him interact with these people who have become my family, and for him to also recognize what a wonderful family they are.

After he left on Sunday, we spent the days on the beach, at the pool, playing football and paddle, and the nights in a giant tent all-together.  Then, on Wednesday I received some stressful news: an important document I had sent by mail to Madrid (over a month ago) had been returned to our house in Coruña. 

Now, I am no stranger to being screwed over by Spanish bureaucracy, but I still began to feel extremely anxious and upset over this news, especially because I wouldn’t be able to take any action until we arrived home on Saturday.  However, with the help of my “parents” I was able to make some calls, arrange a few things and get the ball rolling to fix the situation.  Of course this wasn’t the end of the paperwork complications (as in Spain in never is), and it wasn’t the end of their help and support either.  Without them, and another dear friend in Madrid, I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together to finally sort out the problem yesterday.

Now here we are with just two weeks left together before I head home to the States and tears have already been shed.  We’ve been spending more time laughing together, more time around the dinner table at night laughing and playing games, and finishing up our bedtime story of the summer, Stuart Little.  Our final project of the summer will be to create a scrapbook together!

While I’m no doubt going to be sad to leave, and I’m pretty sure they’re going to be sad to see me go, I’m confident that we will see each other again soon.  They will make a trip to Madrid in the fall, and any time I come up to Coruña to visit my boyfriend’s family I will give them a call.  There’s even talk of next summer… but we’ll see about that ;)

Some might think 23-years-old is too old to be an Au Pair, and sometimes I had this thought too; but now I think this was the perfect time to have such a life-changing experience.  I understand more of what I value in family, I am 100% more confident in my Spanish level, and surprisingly I have gained new independence in myself that I will take with me into my second year as an ex-pat.  I may still be far indebted to my student loans, no closer to professional “career” and still unsure of exactly what I want to do with my life, but right now I feel okay with all that, I feel content and excited about what’s to come.

Goin' to the Chapel

It should come as no surprise to you, if you know me at all, that I am a rather enthusiastic fan of weddings.  A wedding enthusiast if you will.  This being said, I very well may have used this title in the past, so my apologies if I'm showing redundancy.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day.  A woman very dear to me is tying the knot with her Butler sweetheart in a quaint Lutheran sanctuary lined with stained glass and rural charm, and I have the opportunity to share in the gospel with the guests a lovely section from Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife, loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."  This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Now for someone who is new to the submission talk in the Bible, these verses can be kind of challenging to wrap your mind around.  In our bible study this past year we delved into this concept pretty deeply, which I think is an important task to consider if you don't fully comprehend a Godly relationship.  To put it simply, God wants the man in a relationship to take after him, holding responsibility for providing for his wife and creating a safe, holy home for his family.  The husband should do these things as Christ does for us.  By his side, a woman should let her husband care for her, and create a well-rounded, Christian atmosphere for her family.  Again, with the work of God being her example.  Now, the husband and wife, side by side and loving God above all form the body of Christ.

So, I know this is still a lot to digest, but we can save the scripture dissection for another time.  The inspiration behind this post is how the bride has affected my life, and how my perspective on life and love is shifting thanks to her example.

The past year and a half or so have been a rollercoaster of love, infatuation, and heart break...and through it all I've gone from wedding obsessed, to ridin' solo, to trying to be the great girlfriend, to losing myself in trying to fit the mold. 

Yada yada yada.

& people keep telling me, you've got to stop looking, that it's going to happen when and how it's supposed to.  Well yeah, easy for you to say when you married your high school sweetheart.  & while I am trying so so so hard to let the plan run its course, I'm falling off the trail.  Thus, making myself feel as though I'm not even going to deserve whatever the big guy's got in store.

But seriously, my unstable emotions always get the best of me and when I'm waking up every morning from nightmares of failed relationships (pathetic, I know), crying over posted photos, and letting my imagination run wild I can't help but come to the conclusion the fairy tell ending just isn't in the cards for me.

Tonight though, as this matrimony is putting me into an optimistic sense of euphoria, I am going to make a promise to myself.  A promise to stop selling myself short, to pick back up my journal, and to remind my self why I deserve and want a Godly relationship.  I don't think I've lost my way, no, and I think it's important that I realize my heart is in a sort of danger of being tempted.  

So here's a love prayer:

God, 

Thank you for blessing this world with the lives of Shelbe and Joel.  Thank you for putting their example in my eyes, and for giving me the chance to be a part of this momentous occasion.  Be with the wedding party tomorrow, the families, and the congregation as we celebrate in your name.  Please continue to help me let go of the hurt in my past, the mistakes I have made, and the temptations I face.  Thank you for never giving up on me, even though I can't always feel it, I know you are always there.  

Amen. 

The Trouble with Girls

I've said it once and I'll say it again.  I'm sick and tired of the ridiculous "fitness" Pins I constantly see while perusing my Pinterest boards.  While yes, I agree that eating healthy and working out should be important aspects of everyone's routine, I do not agree with the condescending messages many of these so-called inspirational Pins portray.

As a young woman, I will admit that body image is a constant struggle in my everyday life.  What with stick thin Victoria's Secret models and photo-shopped bathing suit ads who doesn't?  Every time I look in the mirror I have to try hard to remind myself that God shaped my body the way He did for a reason, and that a picture perfect 6-pack isn't beautiful for everyone.  But damn, the media today is that monkey on mine and my fellow females' backs trying to tell us otherwise.

So today as I went Pinning behind the Control Desk of the HRC, I came across a list of reasons why you should "Do It", it I'm assuming to mean strenuously work out, diet, starve yourself...? I'll let you read the list and be the judge:

Do it for...

the stares

the whispers

the bikini

the collar bone

the hip bone

the thigh gap

belly shirts

cute pictures

sexy lingerie

YOURSELF

(Insert rant & rave)

I'm sorry, but are you f-ing kidding me?!  Essentially what the composer of this list is saying is that all of these things should be the most important to you if you wish to be attractive skinny.  

Because who doesn't want to be stared at and whispered about? 

And it's impossible to look bodacious in a bikini if you weigh over 120 pounds.  

And a thigh gap?  You're joking.  They say nothing is impossible....I beg to differ.  

On that note, guess we should all delete our Facebook accounts if you've got any photos up of you looking anything more than anorexic.  

And I know I'm a little modest or conservative when it comes to my views on sexuality, but I believe your man is the one who determines what sexy lingerie is defined as; and as far as I know that opinion is between you & him.  

Finally, yourself.  Now what's a better way to build up your self esteem than to tell you that you need to accomplish some sort of insane body type that will give you all these attributes to attain a sense of happiness?

Now, to play devil's advocate, some of the more realistic work-out Pins and healthy recipes are nice and encouraging, so I don't want you to think I'm hating on every diet plan out there.  And I also don't want you to take away from this post that I have an All-Star body image, because as I said before I'm definitely a bench warmer in that department.  But I just have to ask why?

Why do people think protruding bones are attractive?

Why does the media have to portray women as scantily clad stick figures?

& Why do we as women bow down to these skeletal idyllic images?

I'd rather see some images out there that encourage positive attitudes, realistic goal setting, and acceptance of women for who and what we are.  So why don't you put that on your board and Pin it.

My Legacy

Geez Louise I haven't blogged in ages.  Guess that means this post will be lengthy and difficult to decipher.

My sincerest apologies.

Tonight I spent the evening with one of my greatest friends and we watched the movie Julie & Julia.  (If you haven't seen it you should!)  The storyline follows an ambitious woman who decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook while (wait for it.....) writing a blog depicting each recipe, and simultaneously finding herself through Julia's extraordinary encounters.

So of course my self pitying, zero confidence, worry wart self began thinking....

"What is my 'thing'? ...what is something I could exert innumerable amounts of energy and effort into doing that would subsequently turn me into the epitome of a wonderful human being?"

....hold that thought.

So, as I was walking out to my car I got a little adrenaline rush (this is normal) because it was pitch black, I was alone, and she lives in the woods (kinda).  Then as I got into my car (per usual) I turned around to check the back seat for intruders, and sped out of the cul-de-sac in order to make it home where I could surround myself with lights and sound.

As I began driving down the highway, I encountered a very slow moving, dark colored, beat up vehicle and my fear intensified.  My mind begins racing with horrible fantasies.

What if they turn around and begin following me?

What if they know who I am and have been plotting my abduction?

What if someone is in that car with a weapon and intends to thoughtlessly use it against me?

As dumb as this all sounds, we live in a world where these kinds of things actually do happen.  And whether they be freak accidents or not I once saw an episode of Oprah where a criminal entered a woman's car while she was pumping gas and from then on used her to perform her own kidnapping. 

How do these seemingly unrelated topics coincide?  Well, I then began thinking,

"If it's God's will that I be savagely taken against my will by a clan of lunatics.....will I be satisfied with my accomplishments?"

Ahhh....the classic question, what would you change if you knew it was your last day?

What is one thing you'd do if you knew it'd be the last thing you ever did?

& my addition, Why aren't we all doing these things now?

While I don't know exactly what I could or should or would be doing as opposed to anything I am, I do know it wouldn't be cooking.  But what could I be doing to make myself a better person?  To make myself a better Me?  Or simply to make myself happy and excited to live this life I have, no matter how short it may turn out to be?

I've got some ideas floating around up there....

crafting..

volunteering..

studying...?

I just don't want to feel like any of my time has been wasted.  And most of all I want to feel like I have made a lasting contribution.  A legacy.  I want to know what passion feels like.  And I'm going to make THAT my mission.

So...sorry for the randomness and ridiculosity of the extremely opposite natures of my tidbits.  But hopefully I may have sparked a thought in your mind, and maybe you have some insight for me on how to be who I want to be.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

This week has been a crazy one.  Filled with accidents, purposes, and tragedies.  This week has been filled with moments and events that have made me really think.  & I would like to get some of those thoughts off my chest.

Earlier this week I received a call from my mother.  This is not an abnormal occurrence, however the news was.  A young girl who I went to high school with was killed in a car accident.

"Was she texting?" I asked.
"No," my mother replied.
"Well whose fault was it?"

Is that sad that the accident always has to be someone's fault?  That we are so quick to place blame?  That maybe blaming someone makes it better or less bad?

In reality the young woman was killed by an elderly woman who lost control of the vehicle and hit her as a pedestrian in a parking lot.  & here is where my thought process begins....

Was it God's plan for her to die that way?
With such unexpected and accidental deaths, do you think God knew that was how she would go?
Did it hurt?
Did she die instantly?
Did she see the truck coming?

We'll never know the answers to these questions, but is it bad that deaths are the only times that we ask them?

Later that night I received a text asking if I had heard from my dad that day.  I replied "No, why?", and frantically began worrying about my grandma, my brothers, my dad.  As the messages flowed back and forth I gained knowledge that one of my dad's life-long friends had taken his own life just a day after my family and I had spent the weekend holiday with him.

Suicide is a very touchy subject, one I won't venture too far into because I know if affects a lot of people, and I know people have very strong and varied opinions about it.

However I will say a few things.  Will he get to go to heaven?  Did he have the act planned out?  Did he try to place blame on someone?  What happens to his children, who now have to grow up without their father?

The viewing was tonight and I ran into my dad towards the end as my mother and I were approaching the receiving line.  I have only seen my father cry once before, at the funeral of my Great-Grandma Fagan whom he loved dearly.  Watching my big, burly, strong, fearless dad in such a weak and vulnerable state really shook me up.  It also made me realize how much I take him for granted.  Death has a way of doing that.  My dad and I have not always had the strongest relationship, but who knows when it will be taken from either of us?

This is a reality I'm not ready to face. & even if it's bad to just be reminded of our blessings when others' blessings are taken, I'm considering it a blessing that I was reminded at all.

Here comes goodbye.

Four years ago at this time I was in the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.  Pretty shy, very awkward, I'm almost positive I was in retainers still, and working the same summer job I have now.  I was getting ready to embark on my first year at Senior High Institute (fancy name for church camp).

I was really nervous, one because I had never gone to church camp before, and two because our church had just gotten a new youth pastor, and I hadn't met him yet.

In the Methodist Church, pastors don't get to stay in the same place forever.  They are moved around from area to area, church to church, and to my knowledge they don't have a whole lot of choice in when or where they go.

Alex Hershey was from Monticello, my home town, and his mother was my 6th grade (and favorite) english teacher.  He had grown up here, went to my high school, grown up in our church, and was blessed enough to have the opportunity to move back home and become our new youth pastor.

So, first week on the job, Alex is thrown into taking a small group of high school kids to camp.  I am one of these kids.  We get to Epworth Forest and find out that since our group is so small we have to share a cabin with another church.  I had never been to camp so I didn't realize this would be such an issue...however it turned out to be pretty much a disaster and we ended up leaving the cabin on the last night and all staying up all night in a random lodge playing foursquare and game cube.

This is just one of many times Alex took a non-ideal situation and turning it into a wonderful memory.  In the past four years I have been on countless retreats, ski trips, weeks at camp, and random trips with him and the rest of our youth group and we have become a family.

Because of Alex I accepted Christ.
Because of Alex I have confidence.
Because of Alex I am not ashamed to openly love Jesus.
And because of Alex I have come further in my faith.

He has taught me to strive to live simply, how to be a woman of God, how to play foursquare, and how to be an example for others.

You might be wondering why I decided to dedicate this post to him, four years after he began to make his impact.  Well, remember how I said pastors don't stay in the same place forever?  Alex is leaving.  This was his last Sunday preaching at my church, and let's just say service was a bit more emotional.  All those memories, funny stories, time spent together is going away with Alex and his family and I am at a loss for what to do.

I'm a bit over emotional as it is, but this man has had such a hand in who I have grown to be through high school.  I managed to hold it together pretty well at church, and this afternoon at the reception I knew it was time to leave before I let all the tears out.  But sitting here tonight I have lost it.  What do you do when someone that means so much to you is taken away?  It's not right to give up just because they're gone, but it will be so hard to bond with someone else the way we all have with Alex.

This morning at church our Senior Pastor said something that really made sense to me.  He said that even though it's extremely difficult to watch Alex leave, we wouldn't want it to be easy.  And that is so true.  I and all the other members of our congregation are so blessed to have had the opportunity to make the memories we have with him.  And we are so blessed to have grown and learned from everything he has to offer.  It's time for him to share his awesomeness with his new church, time for him to make such an impact on more people, to change the world even more than he already has.

So, here's to you Alex.  I don't know if you could possibly know how much you have influenced us, but I know you know how much you will be missed and remembered.

Goodness this is sounding like an obituary or something.

We love you, Godspeed, good luck, and stay in touch.