All Good Things Must Come to an End

This week has been a crazy one.  Filled with accidents, purposes, and tragedies.  This week has been filled with moments and events that have made me really think.  & I would like to get some of those thoughts off my chest.

Earlier this week I received a call from my mother.  This is not an abnormal occurrence, however the news was.  A young girl who I went to high school with was killed in a car accident.

"Was she texting?" I asked.
"No," my mother replied.
"Well whose fault was it?"

Is that sad that the accident always has to be someone's fault?  That we are so quick to place blame?  That maybe blaming someone makes it better or less bad?

In reality the young woman was killed by an elderly woman who lost control of the vehicle and hit her as a pedestrian in a parking lot.  & here is where my thought process begins....

Was it God's plan for her to die that way?
With such unexpected and accidental deaths, do you think God knew that was how she would go?
Did it hurt?
Did she die instantly?
Did she see the truck coming?

We'll never know the answers to these questions, but is it bad that deaths are the only times that we ask them?

Later that night I received a text asking if I had heard from my dad that day.  I replied "No, why?", and frantically began worrying about my grandma, my brothers, my dad.  As the messages flowed back and forth I gained knowledge that one of my dad's life-long friends had taken his own life just a day after my family and I had spent the weekend holiday with him.

Suicide is a very touchy subject, one I won't venture too far into because I know if affects a lot of people, and I know people have very strong and varied opinions about it.

However I will say a few things.  Will he get to go to heaven?  Did he have the act planned out?  Did he try to place blame on someone?  What happens to his children, who now have to grow up without their father?

The viewing was tonight and I ran into my dad towards the end as my mother and I were approaching the receiving line.  I have only seen my father cry once before, at the funeral of my Great-Grandma Fagan whom he loved dearly.  Watching my big, burly, strong, fearless dad in such a weak and vulnerable state really shook me up.  It also made me realize how much I take him for granted.  Death has a way of doing that.  My dad and I have not always had the strongest relationship, but who knows when it will be taken from either of us?

This is a reality I'm not ready to face. & even if it's bad to just be reminded of our blessings when others' blessings are taken, I'm considering it a blessing that I was reminded at all.

Here comes goodbye.

Four years ago at this time I was in the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.  Pretty shy, very awkward, I'm almost positive I was in retainers still, and working the same summer job I have now.  I was getting ready to embark on my first year at Senior High Institute (fancy name for church camp).

I was really nervous, one because I had never gone to church camp before, and two because our church had just gotten a new youth pastor, and I hadn't met him yet.

In the Methodist Church, pastors don't get to stay in the same place forever.  They are moved around from area to area, church to church, and to my knowledge they don't have a whole lot of choice in when or where they go.

Alex Hershey was from Monticello, my home town, and his mother was my 6th grade (and favorite) english teacher.  He had grown up here, went to my high school, grown up in our church, and was blessed enough to have the opportunity to move back home and become our new youth pastor.

So, first week on the job, Alex is thrown into taking a small group of high school kids to camp.  I am one of these kids.  We get to Epworth Forest and find out that since our group is so small we have to share a cabin with another church.  I had never been to camp so I didn't realize this would be such an issue...however it turned out to be pretty much a disaster and we ended up leaving the cabin on the last night and all staying up all night in a random lodge playing foursquare and game cube.

This is just one of many times Alex took a non-ideal situation and turning it into a wonderful memory.  In the past four years I have been on countless retreats, ski trips, weeks at camp, and random trips with him and the rest of our youth group and we have become a family.

Because of Alex I accepted Christ.
Because of Alex I have confidence.
Because of Alex I am not ashamed to openly love Jesus.
And because of Alex I have come further in my faith.

He has taught me to strive to live simply, how to be a woman of God, how to play foursquare, and how to be an example for others.

You might be wondering why I decided to dedicate this post to him, four years after he began to make his impact.  Well, remember how I said pastors don't stay in the same place forever?  Alex is leaving.  This was his last Sunday preaching at my church, and let's just say service was a bit more emotional.  All those memories, funny stories, time spent together is going away with Alex and his family and I am at a loss for what to do.

I'm a bit over emotional as it is, but this man has had such a hand in who I have grown to be through high school.  I managed to hold it together pretty well at church, and this afternoon at the reception I knew it was time to leave before I let all the tears out.  But sitting here tonight I have lost it.  What do you do when someone that means so much to you is taken away?  It's not right to give up just because they're gone, but it will be so hard to bond with someone else the way we all have with Alex.

This morning at church our Senior Pastor said something that really made sense to me.  He said that even though it's extremely difficult to watch Alex leave, we wouldn't want it to be easy.  And that is so true.  I and all the other members of our congregation are so blessed to have had the opportunity to make the memories we have with him.  And we are so blessed to have grown and learned from everything he has to offer.  It's time for him to share his awesomeness with his new church, time for him to make such an impact on more people, to change the world even more than he already has.

So, here's to you Alex.  I don't know if you could possibly know how much you have influenced us, but I know you know how much you will be missed and remembered.

Goodness this is sounding like an obituary or something.

We love you, Godspeed, good luck, and stay in touch.

Fear Factor

I know they say texting and driving is deadly, but I think texting can be even more fatal in situations out of the driver's seat.

Mom always says that my friends and I have lost the ability to personally communicate, because we are much more likely to hide behind the protective shield of our cell phones and computer screens. 

 And it's so completely true. 

How many times do you hear of people breaking up over texts?

bullying on the internet?

& even online dating?

Every. Single. Day.

I'm not immune to this electronic illness, however I do realize how my capabilities of confident speaking,  courage, and face-to-face honesty have suffered because of this pandemic.  & in no way am I saying this is okay simply because I am aware I partake.  I am sickened by it.

It's like Adam & Eve.  Do you realize that we would all be walking around this earth naked had they not eaten that fruit and developed embarrassment?  A similar situation is developing with non-personal communication.  We feel safer behind our phones, less fearful when our words are spoken in letters and not sounds exchanged face-to-face.  Just like we feel more comfortable wearing clothes than we do strutting in our birthday suits.

Maybe this is a bad analogy, because I am also not in any way encouraging nudity.  However, I am encouraging honesty. Courage. Guts if you will.

My friends and I joke around about Facebook chatting each other when we're sitting in the same room, but is that the future? 

Will it soon be that the only time people communicate is through some other form of media than their mouths?

I'm definitely not down with that.  So how about you and me grow a pair, buck up and say it to their faces next time.  People are always saying we are the future....maybe we can change it.

Would you like some cheese with that?

I have been told mostly by my mother a few times that I complain too much.

I hate to admit it's true.  I often fail to see the good in situations.  I take a lot for granted.  & I get envious and blow things out of proportion often.

But here's the deal:

It's summer.  I'm stuck at home.  & thanks to my obsession with Facebook and social networking I am constantly in the know of everyone else's rockstar summers.

I WANT THAT. 

I want to go on trips.

I want to be back at Butler for the summer.

I don't want to be working.

I want to go to tons of concerts.

Hang out with tons of friends all the time.

Go to the lake and be useless all day.

After the 50+ hour work week I have had (and am not getting paid overtime for) do I not have the right to whine just a little?

I really struggle to see how people don't have my same problem.  How is no one else incredibly depressed that they are stuck in TouristTown, USA for yet another summer?  How do other kids who don't go on relaxing/fun/free of work vacations deal with the suckiness of the situation?  And why am I the only one who seems to be mad about it?

While it may just seem that there's nothing going on simply because its storming out and I'm already ready for bed after working all day, I would jump at the chance to be sitting back in my sweltering dorm room watching movies and eating crappy food.

So, in lieu of my horrible attitude, I leave you with this,

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

-Ephesians 4:29

in hopes that you might think twice before ranting and raving about your sorrows like I do.

The List

Alright, so I have already confessed my obsession with StumbleUpon.  But I promise not to talk about weddings today....but I can't promise they won't be mentioned.

One of my "favorites" while stumbling is something along the lines of self improvement, and recently while reading a list of ways to improve or add excitement to your life I found a really creative idea:

100 things to do this year.

I try to journal daily, so I thought I would just add to my list each night as I write.  & let me tell you it's a heck of a lot harder to come up with 100 things than it might sound.  I'm currently on #91 and have been working on it for 2 weeks.  I'll admit I have accidentally put the same things twice.

So essentially it's a Bucket List for the upcoming year, and one I'm going to try really hard to accomplish.  I thought it might be a cool idea to share some of the tasks if you will, with you.  That way maybe I can inspire someone else to take on this challenge!

You can add anything to the list, it's your year do what you want!  Some of the more broad things I have are,

#1. read the entire bible

#3. finish all 7 Harry Potter books (I'm on 3)

#7. not cut my hair

#14. help a stranger

or #57. start reading the newspaper

But I also have sections of similar things that relate to each other.  For instance, my health,

#33. ride my bike more

#53. run the Indy Mini

#49. stop ordering pop at restaurants

#67. don't gain weight at school next fall

& #73. stop texting and driving

Or school,

#51. join a new club and be passionate about it

#19. get 2 more 4.0's

#64. declare my minor in spanish

#47. plan my study abroad trip

& #68. become a role model for freshman girls that join my house

Then there are the really important things like,

#30. make a german chocolate cake

#37. learn every Taylor Swift song

#59. get asked on a date

#62. become a fan of a team

& #74. make a list of potential wedding songs

See, your list can be whatever you want, whatever makes you happy.  But what I have decided is that you shouldn't limit it to things you think you'll accomplish.  For me, I'm making a point to put some things on my list that I know will be a challenge.  Because then I will subsequently be opening my mind and broadening my horizons.

So, even if there is less of a chance for you to get asked on a date than there is for me, put it on there!  You never know what might happen in the next year, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

The end.

It's been a while since I've written, but today after braving hour after hour of intense storms I have been inspired.

With all the hype of the world supposedly ending on 12/21/12, I have been in a constant state of paranoia, trying to prove people wrong about this devastating idea.  & now that all of these natural disasters are occurring within days of each other I can't help but think that the end really is near.

Being the Christian that I am, I believe that the end of the world will culminate with the coming of Jesus back to Earth.  However, being the avid Bible reader that I (regretfully) am not, I have never been exactly sure about how the Bible says it will happen.

I have heard many things, 

the world will end in destruction.

the world will end after waves of disasters.

the end will be horrible for those who don't get to go back with Jesus.

But what is it?

I want to know what is going to happen & I want to know that I get to leave with Him.

There in lies the problem.

I'm pretty sure that being scared, afraid, and upset about the end of the world is the exact opposite of how God wants me to feel about it.

I should be excited that he could be coming back tomorrow.

Ecstatic that I could go to heaven with him.

Grateful for the time I have gotten to spend on this Earth.

And anything but regretful for the time I have not.

But I'm terrified of leaving Earth.  I am so excited for the life I have left to live.  I am devastated at the thought of never graduating college, getting married, traveling, & starting a family.  

Does that mean I don't get to go to heaven?

Because I like living on Earth?

I know heaven is where it's at.  I absolutely want to go. I want to radiate with God's word in order to earn my spot in heaven.  I want to see my uncle Brian, my grandma Fagan, and my first dog.  I want to live eternal life and have happiness forever.

But is it so bad to be pretty excited for earthly happiness too?

So, while I'm still very stressed about missing out on my living life, and not getting to do all the things I have planned, I would hate to wake up tomorrow morning and read the newspaper headlines that say,

"Jesus Came Last Night."

The one I call mom

Well since it's Mother's Day, what better thing to write about than my magnificent mom?  I was initially going to make this post a picture montage of my mother and my through the years...but then as I was going through our family photos I simultaneously relived those awkward/fat/crooked teeth/bad hair stages of my life and decided to just use words.

Then I also encountered the ridiculosity of the Internet in Themiddleofnowhere, USA so uploading would have taken hours anyway.

Back to my mom!

My mom and I have been best friends forever.  When I was younger we lived alone, just her and I, & when I was 9 she got re-married and we re-located.

Those years together were the best.  We were two peas in a pod, doing everything together.  Some of my fondest memories of my mom and I are from that time. 

Like the time we visited my uncle in Daytona and couldn't swim on the beach because it had been taken over by jellyfish.

Or the the time(s) my birthday parties got snowed out and we played around the house eating my birthday cake.

Or the evening walks we would take in our neighborhood in the summertime.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life now.  But I will admit it was devastating trying to adjust to a new life where I had to share my best friend.  There have been rocky times along the way, especially through my high school years.  But now that I have spent 9 months away from her, I know that my mom will always be my closest gal pal.

I can tell her everything and I know she won't judge me.

She is great at proofreading papers.

She thinks all my jokes are funny.

She will stay up late on Saturday nights to watch SNL with me.

She is honest with me (even if I'd rather she not be).

She is a great role model.

She is a great friend.

These are just a few of the great things about her, and I appreciate every other little thing I didn't have time to mention.  I do not know where I would be without her, and I'm so lucky to have gotten to spend so much time & make so many memories with her.

So, to all moms, 

near or far, 

here or there,

alive or passed,

Happy Mother's Day!

We love you and appreciate you more than you could ever know!