My Legacy

Geez Louise I haven't blogged in ages.  Guess that means this post will be lengthy and difficult to decipher.

My sincerest apologies.

Tonight I spent the evening with one of my greatest friends and we watched the movie Julie & Julia.  (If you haven't seen it you should!)  The storyline follows an ambitious woman who decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook while (wait for it.....) writing a blog depicting each recipe, and simultaneously finding herself through Julia's extraordinary encounters.

So of course my self pitying, zero confidence, worry wart self began thinking....

"What is my 'thing'? ...what is something I could exert innumerable amounts of energy and effort into doing that would subsequently turn me into the epitome of a wonderful human being?"

....hold that thought.

So, as I was walking out to my car I got a little adrenaline rush (this is normal) because it was pitch black, I was alone, and she lives in the woods (kinda).  Then as I got into my car (per usual) I turned around to check the back seat for intruders, and sped out of the cul-de-sac in order to make it home where I could surround myself with lights and sound.

As I began driving down the highway, I encountered a very slow moving, dark colored, beat up vehicle and my fear intensified.  My mind begins racing with horrible fantasies.

What if they turn around and begin following me?

What if they know who I am and have been plotting my abduction?

What if someone is in that car with a weapon and intends to thoughtlessly use it against me?

As dumb as this all sounds, we live in a world where these kinds of things actually do happen.  And whether they be freak accidents or not I once saw an episode of Oprah where a criminal entered a woman's car while she was pumping gas and from then on used her to perform her own kidnapping. 

How do these seemingly unrelated topics coincide?  Well, I then began thinking,

"If it's God's will that I be savagely taken against my will by a clan of lunatics.....will I be satisfied with my accomplishments?"

Ahhh....the classic question, what would you change if you knew it was your last day?

What is one thing you'd do if you knew it'd be the last thing you ever did?

& my addition, Why aren't we all doing these things now?

While I don't know exactly what I could or should or would be doing as opposed to anything I am, I do know it wouldn't be cooking.  But what could I be doing to make myself a better person?  To make myself a better Me?  Or simply to make myself happy and excited to live this life I have, no matter how short it may turn out to be?

I've got some ideas floating around up there....

crafting..

volunteering..

studying...?

I just don't want to feel like any of my time has been wasted.  And most of all I want to feel like I have made a lasting contribution.  A legacy.  I want to know what passion feels like.  And I'm going to make THAT my mission.

So...sorry for the randomness and ridiculosity of the extremely opposite natures of my tidbits.  But hopefully I may have sparked a thought in your mind, and maybe you have some insight for me on how to be who I want to be.