Why Au Pairing was nothing I expected, yet everything I needed

I spent this past year living and working in Spain as an English Language and Culture Assistant.  About half of the way through what was supposed to be only a 10-month adventure, I decided I was going to extend my stay in Spain for at least one more year.  Then, I decided that it was a good idea to spend the majority of my summer in Spain as well to try and save some money.  I began looking into potential summer jobs and came across Au Pairing. 

Previously, I had made a vow to myself that I would never be a nanny.  I couldn’t do it; I don’t have the patience to babysit all day long for days on end, I don’t like cleaning up after someone else’s kids or any of the various tasks I thought being a nanny entailed.  However, I told myself that maybe with a European spin on it, Au Pairing wouldn’t have to be nannying.  Maybe, though, I was just desperate to land a job so I could spend the summer of my dreams in Spain.

Whatever the case, I signed up to be an Au Pair in Galicia, Spain and was soon placed with a family with three children ages: 12, 10 and 6.  We had only two Skype interviews in the spring before I moved into their family home in a small town outside of Coruña, Galicia, at the end of June.  I chose Galicia instead of Madrid for a few reasons, the most important of which was that my boyfriend would be there and we could spend our free time together.

The first few days were hard.  Having just come from living 10 months with complete and total independence to moving in with a family who A) I didn’t know, and B) barely spoke my language, was a major transition, and I am terrible at transitions.  Emotional, stressed, just truly ugly with the whole idea of change.  What had I gotten myself into?!  That first week I sat down with the parents and we discussed what the expectations for the summer would be for all of us. 

Essentially, they expected me to spend the mornings with the children, provide a one-hour English “class” with each of them individually each day, and then of course just be a respectful houseguest.  My expectations were nothing, I actually had no idea what to expect.  They knew that my boyfriend was in town and explained that my weekends would be totally free to spend with him, and I could have my afternoons free as well if I desired.  This, however, I was totally not expecting!  I was excited to be gaining back some of the independence I thought was gone for the summer, but assured them that I would only want or take one afternoon a week off.  After all, another reason I had for working as an Au Pair was to gain some cultural and language experience and “being part of the family” was just the way to do it.

I could never have imagined how much I truly would become part of their family.  When at first I was a little shy and definitely too timid to try to speak to them in Spanish, I now find myself using Spanish without even thinking.  The first few days when I would simply turn on the children’s lights and tap them to wake them up in the morning, I now jump into their beds and tickle them until they can’t stand it.  I went from freezing at the sound of “but my mom let’s me do it” to confidently enforcing a 3-second rule to get the children to do what I need them to do.  We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’re family.

I think the thing that really brought us close together was spending a week on vacation, camping.  They were so welcoming to even invite my boyfriend to tag along for the first weekend, and they treated him just like family too.  It meant so much to me to watch him interact with these people who have become my family, and for him to also recognize what a wonderful family they are.

After he left on Sunday, we spent the days on the beach, at the pool, playing football and paddle, and the nights in a giant tent all-together.  Then, on Wednesday I received some stressful news: an important document I had sent by mail to Madrid (over a month ago) had been returned to our house in Coruña. 

Now, I am no stranger to being screwed over by Spanish bureaucracy, but I still began to feel extremely anxious and upset over this news, especially because I wouldn’t be able to take any action until we arrived home on Saturday.  However, with the help of my “parents” I was able to make some calls, arrange a few things and get the ball rolling to fix the situation.  Of course this wasn’t the end of the paperwork complications (as in Spain in never is), and it wasn’t the end of their help and support either.  Without them, and another dear friend in Madrid, I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together to finally sort out the problem yesterday.

Now here we are with just two weeks left together before I head home to the States and tears have already been shed.  We’ve been spending more time laughing together, more time around the dinner table at night laughing and playing games, and finishing up our bedtime story of the summer, Stuart Little.  Our final project of the summer will be to create a scrapbook together!

While I’m no doubt going to be sad to leave, and I’m pretty sure they’re going to be sad to see me go, I’m confident that we will see each other again soon.  They will make a trip to Madrid in the fall, and any time I come up to Coruña to visit my boyfriend’s family I will give them a call.  There’s even talk of next summer… but we’ll see about that ;)

Some might think 23-years-old is too old to be an Au Pair, and sometimes I had this thought too; but now I think this was the perfect time to have such a life-changing experience.  I understand more of what I value in family, I am 100% more confident in my Spanish level, and surprisingly I have gained new independence in myself that I will take with me into my second year as an ex-pat.  I may still be far indebted to my student loans, no closer to professional “career” and still unsure of exactly what I want to do with my life, but right now I feel okay with all that, I feel content and excited about what’s to come.

Where've ya been?

A friend brought to my attention this week that in one of my blog posts at the beginning of my time in Spain I mentioned that I would be blogging all the time... that was my last post... that post was written in October.  Life happens I guess!

It's not that I haven't been wanting to write, actually quite the opposite, I've been longing to.  It's more that I've had so much to write about, and just not known how to properly express or give justice to the thoughts I've been having, the feelings I've been feeling.

Not until this evening.

So, bear with me if it's not up to the usual post you always "love to read" but I've been dying to get something out there and tonight I just can't hold it in any longer, I've got to break this writer's block.

Before I left for Spain, for about a year and a half actually, I was heavily involved in The Branches Community Church, a church plant in the Avon/Hendricks County area of Indianapolis.  The Branches started from the ground up with a mixture of people from my hometown church, people from the Indy area, and really whoever God lead to us.

So, coming from such a tight and energized community mixed with the trauma that happened shortly before I left for Spain, getting connected to a church community in Madrid was the top priority on my list.  I did some research beforehand and actually met someone in orientation who was willing to check some places out with me.  We did, and we found an international small group through Oasis Madrid, an international church in the heart of the city.  Even though I started going to small group and making relationships with some awesome people... life happened again.

I'm going to be completely honest here and I'm a bit scared to do so, but I didn't actually go to a church service at Oasis until about February.  And then I didn't go again until last weekend.  I took a hard fall from where I was at the end of the summer and I was broken and bruised.

Even through this time, I continued to go to small group and meet up with some of the girls outside of group.  I was connected, but only as much as I wanted to (or thought I wanted to) be.  I kept a bit of a wedge between myself and anyone I (realize now) could have developed a meaningful relationship with.

I've always had a bit of a problem being afraid of missing out on something that could be better. That, even if it's not exactly something I want to be doing, I need to do it or I'm going to regret it or miss out on something everyone will be talking about later.  Then, two weeks ago I went with Oasis to a little town in the mountains of Madrid for a weekend retreat where we worshipped, laughed, connected, even cried, and I had an earthquake of an epiphany-- THIS was what I'd actually been missing out on.

It was a bittersweet realization, I had essentially wasted loads of time worrying and stressing over missing out on everything when I actually was missing out all along.  I had truly been yearning to be filled up with the spirit and fellowship that I found in those 3 days.  Maybe I was hardened because I didn't think anything could take the place of my church community back home, which then turned into complacence and a sort of acceptance of mediocrity.  And once I had forgone church for so many weeks, I felt guilty and ashamed and embarrassed and was even more afraid to try to go halfway through my time here.

I hope that every person has the opportunity to feel the kind of acceptance I felt when I opened up and let myself be vulnerable that weekend.

Since then, the past two weeks have taken a complete 180 in terms of my attitude and perspective of my time here.  I made strong relationships with incredible people and I get to continue these relationships for (at least) another whole year!  I have a newfound courage to do things and make decisions that are what I really want to do and I haven't missed out on a single thing.  I can honestly tell a difference when teachers ask how my weekend was and the past weeks I've been able to really look back and say I did a bunch of meaningful and life-giving things.

Then, tonight I went with four girls from small group to a Tennessee couple's piso for dinner and fellowship and I actually had to hold myself from tears just from feeling so overwhelmingly loved and cared for.  These people were strangers to me at 6:30 and by 11 when we left I felt like we'd been friends for a long time.  They wanted to hear our stories and they just poured love of the spirit into us, they encouraged me so much.  They were just those kind of people that you're drawn to.  They were so kind and open and welcoming, you just don't get that very often.  I am so thankful to have this opportunity to continue learning from them.

But most importantly, I am so thankful that God put it on the hearts of girls at small group to tell me that they missed seeing me for a couple of weeks, because that pushed me to make sure I went every week, which pushed me to find out about and sign up for the retreat, which pushed me closer to God and to the person I really am and want to be.

Don't be confused by this and wonder why I've been telling you I'm so happy and feeling like I belong here if I've truly been feeling a bit disconnected.  None of that has been untrue, if anything this is just enhancing my happiness and assurance that this is where I'm supposed to be right now.

Rest easy my friends, the best is yet to come.

That one time I went to the doctor in Spain.

I should start off this story with saying that while yes, Ebola has made its way to Spain, and yes this discovery hit the news the same day I went to the doctor in Spain, no I am not infected with Ebola. 

That being said, I begin. For about the last week or so the late nights and vacation-like schedule have been taking their toll on my immune system to the point where on Monday my throat was so sore and swollen I couldn't even turn my head without pain and discomfort. After suffering through the school day I decided it was high time I try out the spanish healthcare system.  Our CIEE orientation prepared me for how and where to make an appointment, so I called "Hospiquality" and headed to my appointment later that evening.

The hospital had a wonderful and very kind international team who helped me fill out paperwork, and lead me to the waiting room where I was assured I would be taken care of promptly.  CIEE participants are taken care of very well at this facility, I had been informed at orientation.

However, as I sat in the waiting room for the first half hour I began to have déjà vu to every single time I go to the doctor at home, and even though I've made an appointment well in advance, I always seem to wait at least an hour once I get there. I tried to be patient as patient after patient entered the waiting room after me, and saw the doctor before me but after another young american girl was in and out in 10 minutes I lost it. I politely told the doctor that I had been waiting for over an hour, and if he knew why I hadn't been seen yet.  Then things got weird.

He told me I wasn't on his list, then proceeded to call the international correspondent upstairs where he actually yelled at her for 5 minutes about a mistake she had made with registering me for my appointment. I was then ushered back downstairs where the "nurse" told me I would have to be helped in the emergency room because at this point the doctors offices were about to close. And cue tears.

I wasn't sad as much as I was just frustrated and in a lot of pain. Plus, I know how the ER works in the United States and sore throat definitely comes in at the bottom of the totem pole of emergency conditions. Crying was probably the best thing I could have done though, because I totally freaked the nurse out and she got me into the ER doctor right away. I explained my symptoms and he prescribed me some antibiotics and a cortisone shot, for the swelling in my throat.  At first I thought this sounded a little extreme and I was leery, but I would have tried witchcraft at that point so I went with it, assuming it would be a small stick in the shoulder no harm no foul. 

So imagine my confusion when the male ER nurse pulls the privacy curtain and instructs me to put my hands on the bed, slide my pants down, and bend over. Surely I was being punked, right?  Sure enough he took that SOB and stuck it right in my left buttock. I have 2 theories as to why they gave me this shot of cortisone: the first, to put me in more pain than I was already in to serve as some sort of sick distraction, the second to actually alleviate the swelling. Either way I was confused and slightly mortified, but I was treated and I could finally pay my bill and head to the pharmacy on my way home. They made me a follow up appointment for tonight with an ear nose and throat specialist, so even though I'm feeling a million times better hopefully I'll be good to go in a few more days.  And so help me if they tell me to drop my drawers again I'm going to tell them they can stick it up theirs cause that sucker hurt!!

Everything's gonna be alright

I've decided that since I set up an account to send mass e-mail updates about my time in Spain, that I'm going to try to keep my blog entries as they usually are-- just snippets of thoughts on life and how I'm living it.  Spain may or may not make appearances, but if you're looking for the play-by-play, turn to the e-mail updates!

On that note, it feels good to be writing again!  I've had a hard time sleeping the past couple nights because my mind has just been racing... especially given everything that's happened recently and just the fact that, hello I picked up and moved across the world.  So feeling kind of disoriented should be normal, right?  But then why does it feel like I'm the only one who feels this way?

When I first arrived, the first few people I met in the airport were the orientation guides who were in my shoes last year and then decided to extend their contract with CIEE for another round.  I've always known this was an option, and people always joke that I'll never come back, but I've always felt like this was just an opportunity and adventure that I needed and wanted to take, but there has never been any question that I would come home.

Anyway, a few of the directors and staff who actually work in Madrid for CIEE have been here for years and have no plans of returning back to the States.  I commend them for their bravery, and I understand everyone has their own reasons for staying, but I feel like I'm almost not letting myself fully get comfortable here because I don't want to get THAT comfortable.  I don't want to come to a point where I would consider not going back to my family and friends.  Is that bad?

And I'm so frustrated, you know?  I just want to have it all figured out.  I want God's plan to be revealed, like now.  I'm horrible at being patient, and I often wonder if I'm being taught a lesson in patience with the way things seem to never work out or at least not how I intended.  I applied for this job on a whim, along with a slew of other jobs I wasn't qualified for and this was the one I got.  And I'm overjoyed and grateful and ecstatic to be here-- obviously I didn't have to accept the position or pay the money or any of that, so don't take this to mean that I don't want to be here.  I do.

It's just that, I really thought everything was really getting started.  I was going to go on this adventure, get the experience I needed to apply for jobs back home, come back in a year and start my adult life and I was excited and I was ready and then I was reminded- God's timing isn't my timing, and timing is everything.  It's really a horrible feeling being frustrated with God, feeling so disconnected, so far away, and knowing that part of that is because I'm harboring anger towards Him because I really thought the plan was finally starting.

But then I put the pity party on hold for 5 seconds, and I realize the plan's been happening all along.

FAQ's on Spain

Here is where I wave my white flag to the "List of ___ things for ___ days left.." which, in my defense was fabulous in theory, however horrifying in execution.  It was fun while it lasted, but unfortunately trying to fit a year's worth of stuff into a 100 lb. weight restriction takes precedence over hours of blogging.  

Why, you ask, am I spending time blogging now?  Just hours before I depart for the journey of a lifetime, would you believe my 2 checked luggage backs are sealed and weighed, ready to go!  Hell yeah! 

So now, as I watch Jimmy Fallon's thank you's, I would like to take this opportunity to answer some hot hot hot FAQ's for all the curious cats who will be following my journey!  If you have any other questions that I don't answer here, feel free to e-mail/text/snail mail me and I'd love to send you a personal message!

FAQ 1:  How long will you be in Spain?

Answer: 10 months

FAQ 2:  What will you be doing in Spain?

Answer:  Teaching English to the impressionable Spanish youth

FAQ 3:  Where are you going to live while you're there?

Answer:  Somewhere in and/or around Madrid, the exact location is to be determined, however thank you to Facebook and good ol' Delta Gee, I have found a fabulous girl to apartment hunt with and we have made a pact to not be homeless!   

FAQ 4:  Why are you going to teach English in Spain?  Why not teach English or Spanish here in the States?

Answer:  Spain is more fun.  But really, I'm not qualified to teach here in the States and quite honestly I'm not going to Spain because I necessarily want to be a teacher.  I'm going to Spain because it's an incredible experience and in order to apply for any job here I must have acquired some sort of unidentified experiences... so here's to hoping moving to Spain counts as experience.

FAQ 5:  How do you pack for an entire year?

Answer:  That is a great question!  You bring 2 suitcases, you pay extra for this, and you take out everything you think is cute but realistically haven't worn in the past 4 seasons.

FAQ 6:  Will you be getting paid?

Answer:  Yes.  I'll earn 1,000 euros/month.  From this stipend I will budget for my rent/living expenses and travel/fun expenses, so to answer your next question...

FAQ 7:  Will you come home with any money saved up?

Answer:  Absolutely not.

FAQ 8:  Are you going to come home at all during the next 10 months?

Answer:  Are you going to buy my plane ticket?

FAQ 9:  Is anyone going to come visit you in Spain?

Answer:  I hope so!  I have quite a few friends who are seriously considering making the journey, and after my previous stint across the pond I have a few foreign friends I'll be hooking up with too!  Christmas in Germany sounds just lovely!

FAQ 10:  Are you nervous/anxious/excited/scared?

Answer:  Yes.  All of the above.  I'm anxious because I don't know what to expect, however I'm at ease for the same reason because less expectations means less opportunity to be disappointed or caught off guard.

I hope this makes up for the lack of lists over the past few days!  I cannot believe the time is finally here for me to leave and do this thing!  It seems like just yesterday I was applying for this opportunity thinking "What a longshot!"  Now here I am about to drop it all and blaze my own trail.  But please, don't take this as overconfidence or think that I'm up on my high horse leading the parade, because I'm FREAKING OUT.  

As always I'm so grateful and appreciative for your thoughts and prayers, thank you in advance for following my adventures and I look forward to catching everyone up sometime next week!

¡Adios!

la semana ultima

Well, clearly I couldn't keep up with the blogging every day for 10 days thing... so here is my list of 8 things...I'll come up with something creative for 7 and 6 tomorrow when it's not 12:15 and I've had a cup or 5 of coffee!

I tried to feel around for ideas of what these lists could be, the suggestions were foods I'm going to miss and foods I'm going to eat so suffice it all to say I am obviously a foodie.  And I chose neither of these options for either of today's lists.  My apologies.

For my 8 days left list I want to share 8 important things I learned this summer.  About life, about God, and about myself.  This summer was epic, as you know, and I want to articulate (probably more for my own benefit down the road than anyone else's) how grateful and blessed I am for every experience I've had in the past 4 months.  So, here we go with...

8 important lessons I learned this summer 

In no particular order

How much I value my experiences and education from Butler- 

even though I'm terrified of the extensive amount of student-loan-debt I acquired, the tears I shed as I left my senior house and my dear friends and roommates after graduation were truly the first time I can remember just crying because I was so filled with love and sadness at the same time.  This summer was a summer of lots of these types of cries.

The importance of working in the food industry- 

whether you're flipping patties, brewing java, or serving 10 pound trays of $20 steaks, everyone should work in the food/customer service world at some point in life.  It is hard.  I loved it probably just because I love talking to people.. including strangers.. but this summer I worked harder than I ever have, sweated more than anyone ever should in public, and most importantly I know how to serve a customer and be a great customer.  Both of which are super important.

Go on adventures-- even if you think you don't want to-

 funny enough, Spain isn't going to be the first time I was apprehensive about taking an adventure this summer.  When I signed up to be a counselor at Camp Adventure back in March I was pumped to get to spend a week in the "wilderness".  But, as the week drew closer I honestly was dreading it.  I knew 1 person going into the week, and all of a sudden realized I had sacrificed my only week of vacation from my job, to barely shower and hang out with 100 junior high kids.  

It was one of the best weeks of my life.  I was able to totally and completely be myself, let my guard down, and just love Jesus in one of my favorite places on earth; not only this, but I know that the hand of God had placed me in that system of support for our family's tragedy that would happen at the end of the week.

How good it feels to laugh until you cry- 

I am truly blessed to have such beautiful, talented, and hilarious friends.  It's so important to surround yourself not only with people that lift you up and support you, but who also bring out that raw, tear-streaming smile that only comes from a good gut laugh.  Watching The Heat will also accomplish this goal if no friends are around.

Tell people how much they mean to you- 

after graduating college and now getting ready to leave home for a year I have had to say some hard goodbyes.  I have always felt that I express myself better in writing than spoken word, but before I leave I am making a point to reach out in some way to those who have influenced my life, so that they know they are loved.  For me, nothing is more precious than an unexpected note or shout-out from a friend, so I love having the chance to do that for others.

Spend time reading- 

I know actually finding time to read for pleasure is difficult, but I have tried hard this summer to budget time for reading, and crossing books off my "to-read" list is such a great feeling!!  I recommend: Gone Girl, Blue Like Jazz, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (obviously).

Don't let your happiness depend on other people-

easier said than done, and probably one you think is a no-brainer, but time and time again I learn this lesson the hard way.  As a people pleaser, I take rejection very personally an am ultra-sensitive to other people's happiness or unhappiness.  I think I've gotten better at being in charge of my happiness, but it never hurts to be reminded that YOU are the one who chooses to be happy.  Don't let others make that decision for you.

Let your worship be between just you and God-

this might seem to come out of nowhere, but in lieu of my awesome camp experience this summer... 

I have always kind of been uncomfortable in situations where people would close their eyes and raise their hands during a worship service.  Then, one morning before the campers arrived, one of the worship leaders stressed how worship should be an intimate moment between you and God, and how closing your eyes can help to close out the world and not worry about what others around you are doing or seeing.  Taking his advice, I have been able to truly be present in worshiping WITH God. Because when I close my eyes it's just He and I and in those moments no one else matters.

There you have it!  Come back tomorrow for something fun!  We're in the home-stretch y'all!

For lack of a better title...

While brainstorming how I would present this post, I had planned on using the title "The Final Countdown" only to realize that I used that title for my last blog post... so that's awkward.

So we're down to the single digits!  I leave for Spain in 9 days and about 2 hours!  Leading up to this point I've been trying to pack in as many visits, favorites, and special moments as possible.  And I had intended to do some kind of correspondence each day for the final 10 days before I left.  Obviously all the other things got in the way of starting this correspondence yesterday, so today I'm taking a break from half-assed packing and making up for the loss! 

I'm going to compile 10 lists, each list comprised of the same number of items as the number of days I have before I leave.  Kinda dorky.. but whatever!  I want to show and share my appreciation and apprehension in a creative way.

10 things I will miss about my life in the USA. 

1. My family and friends- thankfully some of whom will be making the trek across the pond to visit, and a few of whom are already there waiting for me!
2. Driving- I'm beginning to remember the anxiety that can come from relying on and planning around public transportation
3. Peanut butter- but don't worry, I've already got a jar packed.  That's no lie.
4. Craft beer- fall seasonal craft beers are my absolute favorite, I've got to chug as many pumpkin/cinnamon/apple pie beers as I can in the next week and a half.
5. Ice- I know it sounds weird, but if you've been to Europe you know that they are very stingy with their ice.  It doesn't help that I prefer a more-ice-than-drink ratio.  Thank goodness for the Ice Bucket Challenge.
6. This is actually harder than I thought it'd be.. maybe moving to Spain won't be so difficult after all.....
7. My bed time- the night lifestyle in Spain is infamous for lasting until the wee hours of the morning, and if you know me at all you know how much I value sleep.. all hail the siesta!
8. My sewing machine- I'm trying to come up with as many travel-friendly crafts as I can, but sadly I just don't thing I'm going to be able to justify stuffing my Singer into my suitcase.
9. The Branches- even though I plan to find a church to go to in Madrid, it is going to be so hard to be away from my church family in Hendricks County.  I can't wait to see the growth in our church when I return!
10. My cat- while living at home all summer hasn't exactly been my dream come true, I am going to miss having my Stripey cat to snuggle every now and then.  Do they have cats in Spain?

9 things I promise to do while in Spain.

1. Go back to Amsterdam- in the spring, to see the tulips, for Emily's birthday and Easter.
2. Spend time exploring Spain- when I was living in the Netherlands I didn't do much traveling around the actual Netherlands.. not that there would have been a whole lot else to see besides windmills and Amsterdam, but I want to take time to really delve into the culture of Spain.
3. Blog- people keep asking if I'm going to blog about my journey.. you betcha!  
4. Go to the mountains- I'm not bringing a backpacking backpack for nothing!  Outdoors here I come!
5. Focus on myself- not in a selfish way, but this experience is one for me to really figure myself out and what I want to do with the rest of my life and career.  This trip is about me being me and I won't forget that.
6. Not cut my hair- not that you may care... but mark my words I will have long luscious locks when I return in July.
7. Learn how to make paella- and sangria!  Tapas at my place!
8. Not count down the days til I come home- even though it will be hard, I've got to look forward to each day I GET to spend in Madrid, not each day I have to.  This is one of my only regrets from my time in Amsterdam, I blame it on the rain.
9. Get in shape- there will be no pants ripping incidents this time.  Period.

So what do you think?  Lame?  You know with all the world rocking that's been going on lately I just wanted to do something different for a change.  I haven't quite come up with what my next 8 lists will be, so if you have any suggestions I will welcome them!  Can't wait to see what tomorrow's list will be!  Adios!