My Legacy

Geez Louise I haven't blogged in ages.  Guess that means this post will be lengthy and difficult to decipher.

My sincerest apologies.

Tonight I spent the evening with one of my greatest friends and we watched the movie Julie & Julia.  (If you haven't seen it you should!)  The storyline follows an ambitious woman who decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook while (wait for it.....) writing a blog depicting each recipe, and simultaneously finding herself through Julia's extraordinary encounters.

So of course my self pitying, zero confidence, worry wart self began thinking....

"What is my 'thing'? ...what is something I could exert innumerable amounts of energy and effort into doing that would subsequently turn me into the epitome of a wonderful human being?"

....hold that thought.

So, as I was walking out to my car I got a little adrenaline rush (this is normal) because it was pitch black, I was alone, and she lives in the woods (kinda).  Then as I got into my car (per usual) I turned around to check the back seat for intruders, and sped out of the cul-de-sac in order to make it home where I could surround myself with lights and sound.

As I began driving down the highway, I encountered a very slow moving, dark colored, beat up vehicle and my fear intensified.  My mind begins racing with horrible fantasies.

What if they turn around and begin following me?

What if they know who I am and have been plotting my abduction?

What if someone is in that car with a weapon and intends to thoughtlessly use it against me?

As dumb as this all sounds, we live in a world where these kinds of things actually do happen.  And whether they be freak accidents or not I once saw an episode of Oprah where a criminal entered a woman's car while she was pumping gas and from then on used her to perform her own kidnapping. 

How do these seemingly unrelated topics coincide?  Well, I then began thinking,

"If it's God's will that I be savagely taken against my will by a clan of lunatics.....will I be satisfied with my accomplishments?"

Ahhh....the classic question, what would you change if you knew it was your last day?

What is one thing you'd do if you knew it'd be the last thing you ever did?

& my addition, Why aren't we all doing these things now?

While I don't know exactly what I could or should or would be doing as opposed to anything I am, I do know it wouldn't be cooking.  But what could I be doing to make myself a better person?  To make myself a better Me?  Or simply to make myself happy and excited to live this life I have, no matter how short it may turn out to be?

I've got some ideas floating around up there....

crafting..

volunteering..

studying...?

I just don't want to feel like any of my time has been wasted.  And most of all I want to feel like I have made a lasting contribution.  A legacy.  I want to know what passion feels like.  And I'm going to make THAT my mission.

So...sorry for the randomness and ridiculosity of the extremely opposite natures of my tidbits.  But hopefully I may have sparked a thought in your mind, and maybe you have some insight for me on how to be who I want to be.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

This week has been a crazy one.  Filled with accidents, purposes, and tragedies.  This week has been filled with moments and events that have made me really think.  & I would like to get some of those thoughts off my chest.

Earlier this week I received a call from my mother.  This is not an abnormal occurrence, however the news was.  A young girl who I went to high school with was killed in a car accident.

"Was she texting?" I asked.
"No," my mother replied.
"Well whose fault was it?"

Is that sad that the accident always has to be someone's fault?  That we are so quick to place blame?  That maybe blaming someone makes it better or less bad?

In reality the young woman was killed by an elderly woman who lost control of the vehicle and hit her as a pedestrian in a parking lot.  & here is where my thought process begins....

Was it God's plan for her to die that way?
With such unexpected and accidental deaths, do you think God knew that was how she would go?
Did it hurt?
Did she die instantly?
Did she see the truck coming?

We'll never know the answers to these questions, but is it bad that deaths are the only times that we ask them?

Later that night I received a text asking if I had heard from my dad that day.  I replied "No, why?", and frantically began worrying about my grandma, my brothers, my dad.  As the messages flowed back and forth I gained knowledge that one of my dad's life-long friends had taken his own life just a day after my family and I had spent the weekend holiday with him.

Suicide is a very touchy subject, one I won't venture too far into because I know if affects a lot of people, and I know people have very strong and varied opinions about it.

However I will say a few things.  Will he get to go to heaven?  Did he have the act planned out?  Did he try to place blame on someone?  What happens to his children, who now have to grow up without their father?

The viewing was tonight and I ran into my dad towards the end as my mother and I were approaching the receiving line.  I have only seen my father cry once before, at the funeral of my Great-Grandma Fagan whom he loved dearly.  Watching my big, burly, strong, fearless dad in such a weak and vulnerable state really shook me up.  It also made me realize how much I take him for granted.  Death has a way of doing that.  My dad and I have not always had the strongest relationship, but who knows when it will be taken from either of us?

This is a reality I'm not ready to face. & even if it's bad to just be reminded of our blessings when others' blessings are taken, I'm considering it a blessing that I was reminded at all.

Here comes goodbye.

Four years ago at this time I was in the summer between my freshman and sophomore years.  Pretty shy, very awkward, I'm almost positive I was in retainers still, and working the same summer job I have now.  I was getting ready to embark on my first year at Senior High Institute (fancy name for church camp).

I was really nervous, one because I had never gone to church camp before, and two because our church had just gotten a new youth pastor, and I hadn't met him yet.

In the Methodist Church, pastors don't get to stay in the same place forever.  They are moved around from area to area, church to church, and to my knowledge they don't have a whole lot of choice in when or where they go.

Alex Hershey was from Monticello, my home town, and his mother was my 6th grade (and favorite) english teacher.  He had grown up here, went to my high school, grown up in our church, and was blessed enough to have the opportunity to move back home and become our new youth pastor.

So, first week on the job, Alex is thrown into taking a small group of high school kids to camp.  I am one of these kids.  We get to Epworth Forest and find out that since our group is so small we have to share a cabin with another church.  I had never been to camp so I didn't realize this would be such an issue...however it turned out to be pretty much a disaster and we ended up leaving the cabin on the last night and all staying up all night in a random lodge playing foursquare and game cube.

This is just one of many times Alex took a non-ideal situation and turning it into a wonderful memory.  In the past four years I have been on countless retreats, ski trips, weeks at camp, and random trips with him and the rest of our youth group and we have become a family.

Because of Alex I accepted Christ.
Because of Alex I have confidence.
Because of Alex I am not ashamed to openly love Jesus.
And because of Alex I have come further in my faith.

He has taught me to strive to live simply, how to be a woman of God, how to play foursquare, and how to be an example for others.

You might be wondering why I decided to dedicate this post to him, four years after he began to make his impact.  Well, remember how I said pastors don't stay in the same place forever?  Alex is leaving.  This was his last Sunday preaching at my church, and let's just say service was a bit more emotional.  All those memories, funny stories, time spent together is going away with Alex and his family and I am at a loss for what to do.

I'm a bit over emotional as it is, but this man has had such a hand in who I have grown to be through high school.  I managed to hold it together pretty well at church, and this afternoon at the reception I knew it was time to leave before I let all the tears out.  But sitting here tonight I have lost it.  What do you do when someone that means so much to you is taken away?  It's not right to give up just because they're gone, but it will be so hard to bond with someone else the way we all have with Alex.

This morning at church our Senior Pastor said something that really made sense to me.  He said that even though it's extremely difficult to watch Alex leave, we wouldn't want it to be easy.  And that is so true.  I and all the other members of our congregation are so blessed to have had the opportunity to make the memories we have with him.  And we are so blessed to have grown and learned from everything he has to offer.  It's time for him to share his awesomeness with his new church, time for him to make such an impact on more people, to change the world even more than he already has.

So, here's to you Alex.  I don't know if you could possibly know how much you have influenced us, but I know you know how much you will be missed and remembered.

Goodness this is sounding like an obituary or something.

We love you, Godspeed, good luck, and stay in touch.

Fear Factor

I know they say texting and driving is deadly, but I think texting can be even more fatal in situations out of the driver's seat.

Mom always says that my friends and I have lost the ability to personally communicate, because we are much more likely to hide behind the protective shield of our cell phones and computer screens. 

 And it's so completely true. 

How many times do you hear of people breaking up over texts?

bullying on the internet?

& even online dating?

Every. Single. Day.

I'm not immune to this electronic illness, however I do realize how my capabilities of confident speaking,  courage, and face-to-face honesty have suffered because of this pandemic.  & in no way am I saying this is okay simply because I am aware I partake.  I am sickened by it.

It's like Adam & Eve.  Do you realize that we would all be walking around this earth naked had they not eaten that fruit and developed embarrassment?  A similar situation is developing with non-personal communication.  We feel safer behind our phones, less fearful when our words are spoken in letters and not sounds exchanged face-to-face.  Just like we feel more comfortable wearing clothes than we do strutting in our birthday suits.

Maybe this is a bad analogy, because I am also not in any way encouraging nudity.  However, I am encouraging honesty. Courage. Guts if you will.

My friends and I joke around about Facebook chatting each other when we're sitting in the same room, but is that the future? 

Will it soon be that the only time people communicate is through some other form of media than their mouths?

I'm definitely not down with that.  So how about you and me grow a pair, buck up and say it to their faces next time.  People are always saying we are the future....maybe we can change it.

Would you like some cheese with that?

I have been told mostly by my mother a few times that I complain too much.

I hate to admit it's true.  I often fail to see the good in situations.  I take a lot for granted.  & I get envious and blow things out of proportion often.

But here's the deal:

It's summer.  I'm stuck at home.  & thanks to my obsession with Facebook and social networking I am constantly in the know of everyone else's rockstar summers.

I WANT THAT. 

I want to go on trips.

I want to be back at Butler for the summer.

I don't want to be working.

I want to go to tons of concerts.

Hang out with tons of friends all the time.

Go to the lake and be useless all day.

After the 50+ hour work week I have had (and am not getting paid overtime for) do I not have the right to whine just a little?

I really struggle to see how people don't have my same problem.  How is no one else incredibly depressed that they are stuck in TouristTown, USA for yet another summer?  How do other kids who don't go on relaxing/fun/free of work vacations deal with the suckiness of the situation?  And why am I the only one who seems to be mad about it?

While it may just seem that there's nothing going on simply because its storming out and I'm already ready for bed after working all day, I would jump at the chance to be sitting back in my sweltering dorm room watching movies and eating crappy food.

So, in lieu of my horrible attitude, I leave you with this,

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

-Ephesians 4:29

in hopes that you might think twice before ranting and raving about your sorrows like I do.

The List

Alright, so I have already confessed my obsession with StumbleUpon.  But I promise not to talk about weddings today....but I can't promise they won't be mentioned.

One of my "favorites" while stumbling is something along the lines of self improvement, and recently while reading a list of ways to improve or add excitement to your life I found a really creative idea:

100 things to do this year.

I try to journal daily, so I thought I would just add to my list each night as I write.  & let me tell you it's a heck of a lot harder to come up with 100 things than it might sound.  I'm currently on #91 and have been working on it for 2 weeks.  I'll admit I have accidentally put the same things twice.

So essentially it's a Bucket List for the upcoming year, and one I'm going to try really hard to accomplish.  I thought it might be a cool idea to share some of the tasks if you will, with you.  That way maybe I can inspire someone else to take on this challenge!

You can add anything to the list, it's your year do what you want!  Some of the more broad things I have are,

#1. read the entire bible

#3. finish all 7 Harry Potter books (I'm on 3)

#7. not cut my hair

#14. help a stranger

or #57. start reading the newspaper

But I also have sections of similar things that relate to each other.  For instance, my health,

#33. ride my bike more

#53. run the Indy Mini

#49. stop ordering pop at restaurants

#67. don't gain weight at school next fall

& #73. stop texting and driving

Or school,

#51. join a new club and be passionate about it

#19. get 2 more 4.0's

#64. declare my minor in spanish

#47. plan my study abroad trip

& #68. become a role model for freshman girls that join my house

Then there are the really important things like,

#30. make a german chocolate cake

#37. learn every Taylor Swift song

#59. get asked on a date

#62. become a fan of a team

& #74. make a list of potential wedding songs

See, your list can be whatever you want, whatever makes you happy.  But what I have decided is that you shouldn't limit it to things you think you'll accomplish.  For me, I'm making a point to put some things on my list that I know will be a challenge.  Because then I will subsequently be opening my mind and broadening my horizons.

So, even if there is less of a chance for you to get asked on a date than there is for me, put it on there!  You never know what might happen in the next year, and you might be pleasantly surprised.

The end.

It's been a while since I've written, but today after braving hour after hour of intense storms I have been inspired.

With all the hype of the world supposedly ending on 12/21/12, I have been in a constant state of paranoia, trying to prove people wrong about this devastating idea.  & now that all of these natural disasters are occurring within days of each other I can't help but think that the end really is near.

Being the Christian that I am, I believe that the end of the world will culminate with the coming of Jesus back to Earth.  However, being the avid Bible reader that I (regretfully) am not, I have never been exactly sure about how the Bible says it will happen.

I have heard many things, 

the world will end in destruction.

the world will end after waves of disasters.

the end will be horrible for those who don't get to go back with Jesus.

But what is it?

I want to know what is going to happen & I want to know that I get to leave with Him.

There in lies the problem.

I'm pretty sure that being scared, afraid, and upset about the end of the world is the exact opposite of how God wants me to feel about it.

I should be excited that he could be coming back tomorrow.

Ecstatic that I could go to heaven with him.

Grateful for the time I have gotten to spend on this Earth.

And anything but regretful for the time I have not.

But I'm terrified of leaving Earth.  I am so excited for the life I have left to live.  I am devastated at the thought of never graduating college, getting married, traveling, & starting a family.  

Does that mean I don't get to go to heaven?

Because I like living on Earth?

I know heaven is where it's at.  I absolutely want to go. I want to radiate with God's word in order to earn my spot in heaven.  I want to see my uncle Brian, my grandma Fagan, and my first dog.  I want to live eternal life and have happiness forever.

But is it so bad to be pretty excited for earthly happiness too?

So, while I'm still very stressed about missing out on my living life, and not getting to do all the things I have planned, I would hate to wake up tomorrow morning and read the newspaper headlines that say,

"Jesus Came Last Night."

The one I call mom

Well since it's Mother's Day, what better thing to write about than my magnificent mom?  I was initially going to make this post a picture montage of my mother and my through the years...but then as I was going through our family photos I simultaneously relived those awkward/fat/crooked teeth/bad hair stages of my life and decided to just use words.

Then I also encountered the ridiculosity of the Internet in Themiddleofnowhere, USA so uploading would have taken hours anyway.

Back to my mom!

My mom and I have been best friends forever.  When I was younger we lived alone, just her and I, & when I was 9 she got re-married and we re-located.

Those years together were the best.  We were two peas in a pod, doing everything together.  Some of my fondest memories of my mom and I are from that time. 

Like the time we visited my uncle in Daytona and couldn't swim on the beach because it had been taken over by jellyfish.

Or the the time(s) my birthday parties got snowed out and we played around the house eating my birthday cake.

Or the evening walks we would take in our neighborhood in the summertime.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life now.  But I will admit it was devastating trying to adjust to a new life where I had to share my best friend.  There have been rocky times along the way, especially through my high school years.  But now that I have spent 9 months away from her, I know that my mom will always be my closest gal pal.

I can tell her everything and I know she won't judge me.

She is great at proofreading papers.

She thinks all my jokes are funny.

She will stay up late on Saturday nights to watch SNL with me.

She is honest with me (even if I'd rather she not be).

She is a great role model.

She is a great friend.

These are just a few of the great things about her, and I appreciate every other little thing I didn't have time to mention.  I do not know where I would be without her, and I'm so lucky to have gotten to spend so much time & make so many memories with her.

So, to all moms, 

near or far, 

here or there,

alive or passed,

Happy Mother's Day!

We love you and appreciate you more than you could ever know!

The things I love about love

When I asked Emily what I should blog about tonight, and finally decided on love her response was a sarcastic look and the comment,

"But that's what you're entire blog is about."

Exactly!

And after spending this "reading day" (day Butler calls the day before finals actually start) stumbling weddings and quotes, I have found myself once again deep in my addiction to other people's romantic happiness. 

So, I have compiled a small list of things that I think are lovely.  You know like when you see a picture of 2 people in love, hear a set of tender song lyrics, or read something that just melts your heart?  I find myself in these moments all the time, so I'm going to share a few with you.

1.

I find it incredibly, passionately, adorable when a man puts his hand on his woman's face, cheek, neck...when going in for the kiss. 

  I found this picture on StumbleUpon, follow this link to see the entire engagement shoot.

Again, found on StumbleUpon. Honestly what is not beautiful about a soft pillow island?

2.

Songs get me every time.  Sometimes the smallest lyrics get me tearing up thinking,

"If anyone ever said that to me I swear I would die."
Here are a few examples:

"The silence isn't so bad, til I look at my hands and feel sad; cuz the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly."

-Owl City, Vanilla Twilight

"Her lips won't touch the demon wine, but her eyes are full of pure moonshine, & I get drunk just holding her hand."

-Rascal Flatts, Dry County Girl

"But we're gonna start by drinking on cheap bottles of wine, sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while."
-The Script, For the First Time

So, let's recap:
-Can you think of a more creatively romantic way to ask someone to hold your hand?
-Can you imagine someone feeling so engrossed in you just by holding your hand?
-Does it not just sound blissfully, hopelessly wonderful to just sit and reminisce in each others presence?

3.
Again found while stumbling, these are some regular quotes that just make me think about love.  As if I wasn't enough already.

Okay, I know this wedding/love/romance kick is getting a little excessive but I can't help myself!  & yes I know movies aren't the real thing, wedding photos are staged, and songs are written by paid songwriters, but a girl can dream right?

That's what I'll do right now.  Off to bed before another long day of procrastination.

The year in faces and memories

5:05 today signaled the end of my freshman year of classes at Butler.  I know you probably hear this all the time, but I honestly cannot believe how fast it has gone by.  I can only hope that my next 3 years here hold just as fantastic memories as this past year has.

A couple of weeks ago I was so excited to come home for the summer, but as the end is drawing nearer I am beginning to have a change of heart.  I know next year will be a blast, living in the sorority house and whatnot, but I'm going to miss my room in Schwitz and my roommate/best friend.  So, what better way to culminate the end of a great year than with pictures from my favorite memories and of my favorite people?

Here we go, we'll start at the beginning, naturally.

One of the first weekends on campus, SGA put on a movie night on the mall.  Emily and I went out with a bunch of new friends to watch Iron Man 2.  Dang I miss that tan.

It's a Butler tradition to have your picture taken on the bulldog statue each year...we accomplished this the night before classes began.

Toogie (my dancin' fool of a neighbor) was the first of our group of friends to celebrate her birthday at BU.  A big group of us went out to Buca di Beppo and ended the night with Step Brothers and Flying Cupcake.

HALLOWEEN!  Emily, Ali, and I got all dolled up to go to SNU's Voodoo party...while we got cold waiting outside and never actually made it in, our costumes were great, right?!

Perhaps the most exciting memory I have from this year was living out my lifetime dream of going to NYC.  While I have probably blogged about this a million times, it was one memory that I couldn't leave out.

Recruitment was a week filled with laughter, tears, stress, and the most fun I have probably ever had.  They say it's the week you never want to relive, but that you'll never forget.  100% true.  The humor behind this photo is that Toogie, Micaelina and I didn't know which hand we were supposed to use for the DG salute, so we took one picture with each and deleted the wrong one at the end of the day.

Secret Crush, & my twin!  DG has a traditional formal where if you choose, an older sister picks a date for you, and on the night of the dance all the guys line up with paper bags on their heads and your date is revealed!  My date wasn't a secret, but it was still fun to get to watch the other girls be surprised.  Katie (the beautiful specimen in the purple dress) is my twin, this means we share the same big sis in the house.  I couldn't have asked for a better gal!

Spring Break was the perfect week of sun filled skies and relaxation.  Emily and I stayed with my grandparents in Naples, FL and had an amazing time!  We laid out, shopped, and even paddle boarded (which I was extremely skeptical about, but ended up loving!)  We have since began planning the rest of our spring breaks for our remaining years at Butler!

Houston we have Bulldogs.  I had the opportunity to make the voyage to Houston and watch the Dawgs represent Indiana Basketball in the Final Four tournament this spring.  What an awesome experience!  We spent the weekend traveling, game watching, and even singing along to a free Kenny Chesney concert.  Did I mention we got floor seats for the National Championship?

Little 500 was one of the most fun times I have had this year at Butler, and we weren't even on campus!  Emily, a great friend & sister Allison, and I made the trip to IU to stay with a few of their friends from home.  We attended a paint party (obviously) and spent upwards of 2 hours getting the paint out of our hair that night and the next day.  Olive oil was our best friend that day!

Our second formal of the semester was Royal Wedding themed, and took place this past Friday night in honor of....The Royal Wedding.  I had Allison find me the perfect date and we had such a great time!  How great to get to go out with a bang!

So, this year has definitely been filled with its share of tests and trials, but all in all I grew as a person, made some of the best memories of my life, and met friends that I know will be in my life forever.  

Emily

the perfect roommate, great friend, role model, and comedic relief at all hours of the night.

Ali

my newfound cousin, my other half, perfect work-out buddy, has tons of cute clothes to borrow, and always there.

Toogie

the hilarious, beautiful, dedicated, and fun-loving dancer that I get to continue to live with at DG.

Allison

one of Emily's best friends from home who is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

Katie

the most perfect, cutest, and possibly smallest twin I will ever have.

And so so so many more that I simply don't have the time to name.  I owe all of these wonderful memories, countless sleepless nights, and endless hours of laughter to you.

Thank you.

The Most Important Day...

PROM.

Not what you were expecting, eh?  

Well it's that time of year again;

 time to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress you'll wear once, 

(unless you run cross country at Twin Lakes)

Each year our XC team wore prom dresses with tennis shoes to our annual banquet.

Time to get your nails done, 

hair done, 

car washed, 

flowers bought, 

reservations made.....

You get the point.

And while only one of the three proms I attended was even remotely enjoyable...I sometimes find myself wishing I got to go back to prom this year.  It's fun to get all dolled up, take lots of pictures, eat out with your friends and dance the night away, so in lieu of such an epic time in the lives of high schoolers all around the world here are some tips and tricks I have picked up along the way.

1. Try on dresses you would least expect to see yourself in.

Both sophomore and junior year I went prom dress shopping with my mother, and she would always push me to try on dresses I might not usually.  This is great advice for 2 reasons: one, your dress will be unique & two, it really opens up the amount of options you have.

2. Go with your gut.

No this is not about your plans for after prom.....

Anyway, if you are trying to collaborate with a big group of people to make lavish prom plans but are feeling uneasy, left out, or even just annoyed, DON'T DO IT!!  I can tell you from experience you will have such a better time doing whatever YOU want to do.  Whether that means having mom cook dinner at home (which is super fun and cheap) or just going to dinner alone with your date, your pre-prom plans can make or break your entire night.

3. Do something fun after prom!

I was never allowed to (cough cough) or invited to (cough cough) stay the night with friends after prom, I always wished I could, so I say if you have the opportunity, Go!  So many memories are made during prom, I remember my mom and dad telling stories about going to King's Island or doing something crazy the night after prom and I always wished I could have done something like that.

So, I know it's probably lame for me to blog about prom when I'm in college...but I couldn't resist!  I'll leave you with a few of my favorite prom moments from sophomore, junior, & senior year.

Junior prom was my favorite year! I absolutely loved my dress.

See, the dress you'd least expect...

Senior prom...not my favorite dress...but we needed some variety.

Another year wiser

This past Sunday, I visited my grandparents on Easter, and my grandma posed to me a complicated question,

"What is the most important thing you have learned in your first year of college?"

I was caught off guard.  I mean people ask me all the time, "How's school?" or "Do you like sorority life?" but never actually expecting me to answer with a developed and thought out response.

So I thought for a minute or so and responded with,

"Keep an open mind."

And there you have it.  The advice I have been giving myself this year has been to be open to new things,  to not limit myself & also to never be quick to judge.  Compared to my high school experience, college has been a complete culture shock, & it has not been an easy adjustment for me.  In high school I was your typical "Do-gooder".  I was president of 1,000 clubs, always making straight A's, and home by 12 on weekends.

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed made it through without any major fall outs, and I respect my parents for holding me to such a high standard.  But to be honest, my attitude in high school was all wrong, & I had no idea what I was missing out on.

Another disclaimer, I'm also not saying that college is all about partying and celebrating newfound freedom in irresponsible ways, but I never knew how important it was to be open and adaptable to new environments.

This especially came into play when I went through recruitment.  At the beginning of the week I never would have guessed I would end up where I did.  But I made my motto for the week to keep an open mind, which allowed me to see the girls for what they really were.

I also found it liberating to discover that I didn't have to be in every club, or the most involved girl on campus.  & to be completely honest I was tired of my extracurricular schedule in high school.  But at the same time, the amount of random organizations at my disposal was exhilarating & I found myself participating in ways I might not have back home.

In a nutshell, I am so proud of myself for taking the road less travelled and attending a college where few alum from home would be.  By radically throwing myself out of my comfort zone, I came to learn so many new things, & grow in so many different ways.

My only hope is that going home this summer and getting tossed back into the old grind doesn't clog my newfound pores, but instead allows me to share my new perspectives with those close to me back home.

Let me tell you about my day....

I wish I could say that today was just another Manic Monday, however in the 2 & 1/2 hours I have been awake this has been one of the worst days ever. Period.

Did you want me to tell you about it?

Good.

So, it all started last night when I was studying/doing 2 hours worth of homework for a spanish test I forgot about.  I printed off 15 pages of worksheets (with my own paper and ink) with intentions of finishing some last minute cramming this morning before the exam.

Then I woke up 5 minutes before class. Awesome.

Went to class with my phone, ID, & pen. I'll keep you posted with the outcome of that one....

Came back from class and began working on a paper due at 4.  For this paper I have to show evidence of my Twitter account (the paper is an analyzation of the importance of Twitter).  

I first waste 9 pages of paper and color ink because it only makes sense that I would want to print one tenth of my tweets?  So, I have to copy and paste every single tweet (88 to be exact), correct the spacing, highlight the evidence I am required to show, and delete the ads.  

Then my printer decides to fail.

Take 2. The tweets print. 

This makes my toll of wasted paper for the day: more than 20 sheets.

The last event to complete this Marvelous Monday (so far...keep in mind its 12:30) occurred in the cafeteria. I got up from my seat to go get my food when someone's chair comes out of nowhere. I completely trip over it, knocking it and the 50 lb. backpack it bears down directly onto my foot as about 10 people walk by. Doing nothing I might add.

I would have liked to cry at this point.

But instead I decided to write about it. If you can think of anything I could do to pick my spirits up off the ground, advice would be greatly appreciated.

Only one thing missing....

So, I haven't blogged for a long long time.  I'm sorry.  I've missed it, and a recent habit of mine has sparked my blogging interest once again.

STUMBLE UPON.

I know I am a little behind on this ultimate form of procrastination craze, and boy am I sad about that.  For those of you who don't know Stumbling is a term used to describe hours small amounts time spent surfing through hundreds of pages of blogs/websites/articles handpicked to fit your interests.  

When I created my account 2 days ago I said I was interested in things like Christianity, fitness, food, humor, and.....weddings.  This last one is what inspires tonights post.

I am a completely hopeless romantic. 

I cry during romantic comedies.  

I gawk at couples holding hands and flirting in public.

  I daydream of just having someone to spend the rest of my life with.  

And mostly I fantasize about my future wedding.  

The dress: ivory lace with a v-neck front and back adorned with some sort of sash.  

The location: outdoor, or in an old vintage-y chapel. 

 The bridesmaids: many, and wearing simple J-Crew dresses in matching colors but various styles.  

The time: autumn.  

The theme: going with the season, autumn; fully equipped with earthy features to celebrate my favorite time of year.

The decorations: homemade (this will allow me to dip in to my crafty/resourceful/thriftiness)

What's missing?  The groom.

Am I bitter?  No?

 Why would I be bitter when it seems like everyone is growing up, finding the loves of their lives in college, and making plans for the rest of their lives?

Why would I be bitter when the sole wish of my young life is to be in love?

Why would I be bitter when every single wedding that comes up as I anxiously click "Stumble" are the epitome of my big day?

The dresses they wear? Perfect.

The decorations? Definition of craft perfection.

The themes? All outdoor and fall.

Bridesmaids? Flawless.

I see a pattern emerging....

But then I take a look back and think,

 "Is it really the wedding that matters?"

"Once I find the perfect man shouldn't it all just come together?"

"Should I really be spending my newfound time and freedom sulking over what I want in my future?"

I guess I'll just stick to my routine for now:

Praying for my soulmate knowing that God's got him out there somewhere, just waiting to be stumbled upon.

And the Countdown Continues...

Today 2 out of my 3 Wednesday classes were cancelled....so in all my laying around studying I decided to take a break to focus on the real task at hand:

PACKING FOR SPRING BREAK!

Emily and I take flight at 6:57 PM on Saturday and I am running out of time to pack!  Because it is so expensive to check luggage ($25/bag both ways) we have decided to split one large suitcase and each take a carry on.  Today I'm going to outline a few items I absolutely cannot leave without!

1. Tanning oil and after sun lotion.

I'm a big tanner. I'm the girl who comes back from summer vacation and people question my ethnic background. But it ain't easy being a bronze babe. A good tan takes work and lack of SPF...oh and acceptance of skin cancer.

2. All the Pretty Little Dresses

When in comes to packing for vacations I tend to overpack provide myself with many options. And whether it's hot in Naples (it better be) or not, you better believe I'm breaking out the sundresses.

3. Sexy Sandals

Again with the overpacking...in all honesty, my spring break carry on in year's past has been known to solely contain shoes. (no pun intended) But come on, how can I resist? It's 40 degrees at Butler which means I'm not gonna be breaking out these bad boys unless I'm on vacation.

4. Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Bikinis

Everyone has their obsessions. One of mine may or may not be bikinis for spring break. This is a collection from up to 2 years of spring breaks.  The thing is, I'm a lifeguard in the summers so I don't get many chances to wear cute bathing suits in the sweet summertime. How do I deal? By bringing 5 suits on spring break....one for each day!

I'm super excited for spring break...

Can't you tell?

The Ides of March

Everyone knows that somewhere within the mad month of March lies the blissful retreat that is also known as SPRING BREAK.  & in lieu of Butler's spring break being 4, count 'em 4, days away, I thought what better way to head off to Florida than to reminisce on my past 3 breaks spend in the Sunshine State?

I have been blessed to spend my past 3 spring breaks in Clearwater and Daytona and bliss doesn't even begin to describe my experiences!  I'll give you a pictorial lowdown on each year's trip!

For SB2K8, I made the voyage to Clearwater with my great friend Maddie with her parents and grandma Sue.  We stayed in a beautiful condo only 5 minutes walking distance from the beach.  Our place also had an awesome roof looking out over a manatee filled canal where we spent half of our laying out time that week!

(unfortunately I have no pictures from that year because neither Maddie nor I had Facebook at the time)

SB2K9 began with a Rihanna-esque haircut:

& was again spent with Maddie and another close friend, Eve.  That year we went to Daytona Beach with Maddie's mom & let me tell you, Daytona is way crazier than Clearwater!  When we arrived the city was celebrating BCR (Black College Reunion) & let's just say it was a BIT of a culture shock.  Thankfully the Reunion ended on the second day of our trip and we enjoyed our week laying out at the giant pool at our hotel and making sand castles on the beach!

We were lucky enough to also be staying in the same hotel as a big group of more girls from good ol' TL, so we spent some time on the beach with them too!

& of course we couldn't leave without feelin' a little bike week!

For my senior spring break, SB2K10, I went back to Clearwater with my dear friend Brooke, her mom Angie, my mom, and my grandma.  We stayed in a condo very similar to that from 2 years before and has just as great of a time!

We ate delicious pizza

Watched beautiful sunsets

& even went parasailing!

Parasailing was a little too scary for me, but I am so glad I tried it!

This year, SB2K11, my super cute, fantastic, funny, nice, awesome roommate, Emily and I are making the trip to Florida again to spend the week with my grandparents in Naples!  The temperature has been in the mid 80's for the past few weeks so I've got my 2 essentials packed and ready to go: tanning oil and bikinis.

& in case you were wondering about the SB2K's they are just a clever way to spell your names with the date in the sand.

I hope you have a great spring break whether you are spending it in the sun, visiting family and friends, or even just heading home!

Don't Judge a Book.....

At the start of my 2nd semester at Butler, I decided to go through the process of formal recruitment and pledge a sorority.  After a stressful, nerve-racking, and insanely fun week, I received a bid from Delta Gamma and couldn't have been happier!

I'm sure many of you have stereotypes in your head about sorority girls, and if you know me you know I don't really fit the stereotype.  However, neither do any of the girls at Butler.  

Or so I thought.

After recruitment was over I was so excited to be a part of greek life on campus.  I had this idea in my head that everyone in all the houses were still friends, and didn't care about the names on the outside of the beautiful greek row mansions as much as the personalities of the women on the inside.  That everyone was simply in a different house because they felt at home there for different reasons.  This was the case for me anyway. 

Through the initiation process I have come to find however that there really are pretty harsh stereotypes for each house, and just by being associated with 2 or 3 greek letters you might have a black mark across your forehead.

Do you think that's right?

I don't.  & I'm not okay with it either.  People I've never even met, don't even know their names, scowl at me and my sisters when we go out.  & the things they are saying about us aren't very nice either.

(Just a disclaimer, yes I understand EVERYONE has done this at some point or another, & yes I know I'm guilty too.)

But what's the point of passing this judgement on other girls, who in theory have more in common with you than not.  We did all go through the same recruitment process with the same intentions of affiliating with the Greek community.

I personally think the HEINOUS comments posted to sites such as College ACB about which song represents each house 

(DG's was "I just had sex" by The Lonely Island if that tells you anything about the stereotype we're up against) 

or a rank of all the houses based on the "hotness" of their pledge class,

do nothing but create pointless drama and gossip between we Greek women.

Not only that, but when we are all up against stereotypes, anytime someone slips up it gives "proof" or satisfaction to the ones spreading the gossip.  & then the stereotype monstrosity comes full circle & guess what?

NOBODY WINS.

Just like any time you gossip, it might feel awesome at the time, but as soon as someone hears you that shouldn't, or they get dirt on you, 

You. Feel. Like. Crap.

So here's what I'm thinking:

If we all stop trash talking our fellow Greek women, & stop spreading rumors creating stereotypes, we can have more fun, make more friends, and show the non-greek community that Butler's greek life really is different.

Plus, my mom always said the only reason you gossip about someone else is because you are jealous of something they have.  

I know I absolutely made the right decision pledging Delta Gamma, and I hope all of my sisters and fellow Greek women can say the same about their choices.  So don't give anyone a reason to think you aren't where you want to be, because we are the ones with the power to eliminate these stereotypes with our words and actions.

Put on a Happy Face

As anyone relatively close to me knows, I am an extremely emotional gal.  Whether it's a fight with a loved one, innumerable stress, or a romantic novel there's no doubt you can probably find me crying it out in a heap in my closet.  I have tried talking to counselors & all that jazz, and don't get me wrong that's a really good thing!  But sometimes you have to work out whatever is bringing you down on your own.  This is a task I am currently trying to master.  

Today, inspired by the BEAUTIFUL sunshine beaming in my brightly decorated dorm room and some nostalgic Paul Simon blasting from my iTunes, I'm going to share with you a few things that never fail to cheer me up.

Probably the easiest way to lighten the burden is taking one little look at these yayhoos.  I know I talk about them all the time but come on, look at those faces!?

Alright judge me if you want on this one, but I am a true Belieber (term used to describe die-hard Bieber fans).  This past weekend my roomie and I forked up $26 to see Never Say Never in 3D.  Best $26 I've ever spent hands down.  Anytime Bieber comes on my iTunes or the radio the volume goes up and the dance moves come out.  He's a mood booster for sure.

I'm sure you're not surprised that not only am I a Justin Bieber fan, but I am also a huge Gleek.  How could you not be?  While the premise of the show may be (dare I say it) a little cliche, the music is fantastic.  I will admit some Glee versions of top 40 hits are better than the originals, and they are notorious for making me laugh out loud and sing with joy.

This represents 2 things that are excellent mood boosters: sunshine and the beach.  It truly is amazing to me how much my spirits are lifted by a clear sky.  I never really realized it until I came to college because I was used to being cooped up all day.  But now that I'm outside between classes and relying on sunlight for light in my dorm room I have come to find that sweet sunshine has a 180 effect on my day.

Same with going to the beach.  Emily (my super great fantastic awesome beautiful funny perfect roommate) and I are counting down the days (10) until we depart for sunny, warm Florida for a week of bliss a.k.a. spring break!  To me there is nothing better than plugging in the earbuds, lathering on the tanning oil, and laying out in the warm sand under the hot sun.

Now, I know I have made many references to music, but I music is like sunshine in the fact that it quickly picks my sadness up of the floor.  This song (mostly just the Dirty Bit) is a surefire way to nip my depressive states in the bud, maybe it has the same effect for you!

I encourage you to think long and hard about the things that make you genuinely smile.  

The things that you look forward to.

The things you wish would occur more often.

& the things that make you laugh out loud.

& next time your heading for the closet, take my advice and turn that frown upside down!

You Were Made to Make a Difference

Reading has always been a favorite hobby for me.  I melt in every single Nicolas Sparks novel.  I finished the Twilight saga in a matter of days.  I sometimes even take notes while reading books (no not textbooks) I never want to forget.

I have recently been reading one of these notables, Out Live Your Life, by Max Lucado.  I received this book as a Christmas gift, & while it is not the romantic love escapade I usually pick up, I decided to give it a chance.  Boy am I glad I did.

Lucado is a Christian author, and this book is separated into chapters which offer advice on how to better your life, and the lives of others by keeping the faith.  Today I want to share with you the themes of my 3 favorite chapters so far in the book.

1. Do Good, Quietly

In this chapter, Lucado opens with the story of a family who has inherited a large sum of money.  When deciding what to do with the cash, the idea crosses their mind to donate it to the church, HOWEVER they wanted to keep some of it for themselves.  So, the Sunday following the sudden inheritance the couple announces to the congregation that they are donating the entire sum of $10,000, even though they had actually acquired $15,000. 

Here's the problem: not only were they boasting their lavish contribution, but they deliberately lied to the church and to God about their true intentions for the money.  Lucado provides this description,

"They used the church for self-promotion.  They leveraged God's family for personal gain.  They attempted to turn a congregation into a personal stage across which they could strut."

It is very important in the Christian faith to do good things, and to help others.  However it is also very important to be humble about such acts, and not take personal gain from the deeds you do for others.

2. Remember Who Holds You

Here, Max Lucado emphasizes the importance of not taking full credit for things that have been given to you.  For instance, life.  He stresses that it is wrong to take credit for the gifts God has given us.  & it is also wrong to boast about accomplishing feats that would be impossible without Him.

"What do you have that God hasn't given you?  And f everything you have is from God, why boast as through it were not a gift?"

(1 Cor. 4:7 NLT)

So, while it is exciting to share our outrageous accomplishments with others, it is crucial to always keep in mind the big guy who made it all possible.  Make sure he gets a little credit too.

3. Stable the High Horse

I just finished this chapter last night, and I think it holds great resonance in our world today.  The attention getter at the start of this chapter tells the story of a man who stood up for and cared for exiled lepers in a time when leprosy ran rampant in Hawaii.  While helping the lepers by praying with them, dressing their wounds, and living among them, the man developed the disease himself and passed away. 

The point of this story was that people today often see or think of others as inferior.  Obviously in this case the clean, healthy folks looked down upon the dirty, diseased lepers & cast them off to an unchartered island.

One quote that stood out for me from this chapter is as follows, 

"Categorizing others creates distance and gives us a convenient exit strategy for avoiding involvement."

We see ourselves doing these things every single day.  Thinking we're better than others, casting out folks we see as unworthy.  But does God?  NO.

"God has shown me that he doesn't think anyone is unclean or unfit."

(Acts 10:28 CEV)

While I know this post is long and lengthy, I really feel that these are important lessons (along with the other 13 chapters) from Max Lucado's book, Out Live Your Life.  

So, take these forms of advice, and you just might see your outlook on life improving.  I know I have. If you are interested in learning more about Max's work check out his website.

The Verdict on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.

  Everyone's favorite day of the year right?  HA!  Valentine's Day has more haters than lovers, I'm afraid.  

Not me though!  There's nothing sweeter to me than a bouquet of flowers, a heartfelt Hallmark, and a cutie to cuddle with. 

There are however a few Valentine's Day cliches that I could definitely do without.  You know, little things that just set up the annoying stereotype so many V-day haters call their anthems.  These are just a few acts of love that I'd rather not see on Monday.

1. The Valentine's Day proposal.

Come on!?  It does not get more cliche than that.  My personal thought is that you want the day of your engagement to be special in itself, so why adhere it to a special day that already exists?  Isn't it better to have an EXTRA day of celebration, if nothing else?  Not only this, but isn't the ultimate proclamation of love on the coveted Hallmark holiday a little too commonplace?

2. The Valentine's Day box of chocolates.

Okay, I know every girl loves chocolates, and I'm no exception to this statement; but the classic Russell Stover's box of chocolates you picked up at Walgreens SCREAMS "I picked these up on my way home from work."  Opt for something more out of the ordinary.  My ideal Valentine's chocolate experience would be a fondue date or chocolate covered strawberries.  No girl can (or should) be able to devour an entire box of chocolates on her own anyway.  Unless she's spending Valentine's Day alone.

3. The Valentine's Day stuffed animal.

Sure they're cute, but does anyone really want a cheap stuffed animal?  NO.  Maybe as a joke, but the stuffed animal to me again screams, "I forgot about Valentine's Day, here's a $5 trinket to prove my love for you."  No thanks.  We know not all guys can swing diamonds or romantic dates but in my opinion I would rather skip the animal and have a fun, useable gift.  Like fuzzy Valentine's socks or a gag gift I could actually use.

Don't get me wrong, I really am a grateful gal.  These are just little quirks that give V-day the awkward, cliche moments we could do without.  

SO

Go out and share the love this Monday, but do it in your own way.  Think outside the box when you are treating your loved ones this Valentine's Day, I promise it will be worth it!